Thankful

I know that Thanksgiving has passed, but I took some pictures during our Thanksgiving celebration that show some of the things I am thankful for this year. Here they are in no particular order:

 I am so thankful for this smiling face. Anja is such a bright spot in my day. She is ready with a huge smile like this one pretty much every time you look at her, and she does this little dance with her head that is just the cutest! (can you tell I'm her mommy) Most people say that she is a carbon copy of her daddy, but if you look really closely, you can see a faint dimple in her right cheek that comes from mommy.

I am thankful for this view (yes, even the giant snowflakes). We moved into our house in July, so I was excited to see it the view in the fall. Once the leaves fell off the trees I told Mike that it could snow anytime, because I was excited to see what the back yard would look like with snow. We continue to feel blessed by this house and look forward to many years of raising our kids here and opening it up to others!

 This one wasn't taken on Thanksgiving, but I am very thankful this year for the chance I have to teach Tate preschool. It has truly been a blessing to see his excitement to learn and have the privilege to see the process.  

 I am thankful for my beautiful family. (Tate's not lookin' so beautiful here, but it's honestly hard to get a shot where he's not talking!) I have an amazing husband who I learn from all the time just by watching his life and how he desires to grow as a man of God. He loves our children and desires to be an important part of their lives. We often sit back and look at our kids in awe of the blessing that they are in our lives. I am also very grateful for the person behind the camera. My sister-in-law, Kristen, came for Thanksgiving this year and spent the week with us. I was SO thankful for the extra help that she gave me (since I decided to potty train Norah while she was here). I am blessed to have a good relationship with her!

 I am thankful that this I-can-do-it-myself-2yr old girl can now put on her own socks! It marks one more accomplishment, however I don't think she's going to need a whole lot of encouragement in the area of independence! She is 2 through and through and wants do everything "me self." 

 I am thankful for my sister. We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things growing up (probably normal sibling disagreements), but now she is a great friend and I really do miss living 10 miles away from her. With almost 100 miles between us now, it's a little harder to just spend the morning at her house with our kids not-so-quietly playing in the background.

Cousins are the best! I'm so thankful for this crew of kids who my kids love and who love my kids! I'm so thankful that they have the privilege of growing up with cousins close to their ages (on both sides of the family), and who are raised in homes that strive to serve and glorify God.

My list could go on without pictures, because I truly have so many things to be thankful for. Above all else, I am thankful that I have been undeservedly forgiven because of the sacrifice that Jesus gave when He came to earth as a baby and paid for my sins when He died on the cross. I am so grateful that this Christmas season is not an empty quest for more, because we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! 

Adventures of a Little Boy

I'll give $1,000 to anyone who can guess what the following 6 items have in common:

1. backpack
2. baster
3. pacifier
4. socks
5. flashlight
6. massaging ball

If you guessed that they are all items Tate packed to bring on a hike, then you've guessed correctly! How many winners do I have out there? (I'm really hoping none, because I don't have $1,000 to give away)

Tate packed his backpack last week and told us that he was ready to go on a hike. For a couple of days, he asked when we could go on our hike, so we set off on Friday for a fun family adventure. It was so much fun to watch Tate explore in his curious boy way.

It has been a warm week (think Minnesota in November and add 10 degrees), so it was perfect for a hike. On Friday morning we packed up the kids and headed to the river where there are some paths that feel like you are in the middle of the woods.

We had walked about 50 feet when Tate saw a bench and said, "I'm feeling kind of tired. I think we need to take a break." We convinced him that we should hike a little more before we took a break, so we'd rest at the bench on the way back.

Along the path, Tate announced that he was going to look for lightening bugs (remember it's November in Minnesota) up by a fallen log. Once we got there, he very purposefully set his backpack on the ground, unzipped the front pocket and took out his flashlight. He explained that the lightening bugs were eating underground, so he had to use his flashlight to find them. After he had found one and looked at it for a couple of minutes, he packed up and we set off again.

On our way back to the car, we passed the bench again where Tate insisted we all sit down and rest. Again, he set down his backpack and unzipped it. Before we knew it, he had taken out the pair of socks he had packed (which we told him was a very wise thing to bring on a hike) and was getting ready to change them. Daddy explained that sometimes we bring things in our backpacks that we don't always use, but we have just in case we need them. It took a little convincing, but he put them back in his bag and took out the baster. This was used to warm us up, so he squeezed a little air on each of us and put it back in his backpack. I was a little confused when he started taking off his jacket, but then realized that it made complete sense, because of course he'd want a massage after a long hike! He handed Mike the massaging ball and asked for a back massage while we sat there on the bench. Like the good big brother he is, he had also packed a pacifier for his little sister (which was pretty fuzzy, so I suggested she keep the one she already had).

It makes me smile to watch this little boy's imagination. It's only a matter of time until our next adventure! Next time I'll bring my camera!

8 for 8

When we were first married, we went to a marriage conference where one of the speakers said that they have a picture from when they were first married in their kitchen. It serves as a reminder of where they've come from and how they've grown over the years. I decided to copy them, so above the sink in each of the houses we've lived in I've kept a picture from our dating days 10 years ago. (I still look the same as I did in the picture by the way!) It reminds me regularly of what we've been through and how we've grown and changed. In no particular order, here are 8 things that I've learned throughout our 8 years of marriage:

1. How to put someone else's needs ahead of my own. This has been a lesson I've learned more in the last 4 years since we've had kids, but kids or no kids, marriage helps you see how often you really want something for yourself. I can see my selfishness when I realize that I am upset about something just because I am not getting my way. That makes it sounds so childish, but if I'm honest I can be at times. I don't need to neglect my needs, but marriage is a great lesson in selflessness! I am a work in progress.

2. Don't blow things out of proportion. My mind can play nasty tricks on me. It starts with a small offense. Maybe my husband left his dirty socks on the floor (this example may or may not have happened), and then it starts. Here's a sneak-peak into the not-so-honoring-thoughts that sometimes invade my mind: "I can't believe he left his socks on the floor again! So, on top of picking up after the kids, I also have to pick up after him. He NEVER picks up his own dirty clothes. I ALWAYS have to do it for him. And I'm the only one who ever does the laundry, and I NEVER get so much as a 'thank you.'"....... It could continue, and honestly sometimes it does until I'm in a full blown pity party. It takes a conscious effort to take these thoughts captive and not let them ruin my mood, my interaction with my family and my relationship with my husband. If I don't put a stop to these thoughts, I get mad at him for essentially no reason. It is damaging and destructive, so when I realize myself going there I have to give those thoughts over to God and let Him transform my attitude.

3. The tough stuff brings you closer. We've been through some difficult things in our marriage, just like everyone has. Some might be the same as what others have gone through, some different. Regardless of what tough stuff it is, it will always bring you closer if you let it. I remember when I miscarried our second baby. It was a few months later and it came up in conversation as it often did, and I was in tears again. Mike didn't fully understand (because men usually grieve differently in these situations), but we took some time to talk it through so we could understand each other better.
When Mike didn't have a job and we didn't know what the future held, we spent so much time in prayer and conversation about our hopes as well as our fears. Ultimately this difficult time in our lives brought us closer in our relationship to each other and to God. These are just a couple of examples of how God has brought us through difficulties, and our relationship has been stronger because of them. It is true that He will always work things out for the good of those who love Him.

4. Instead of pleasing my spouse, I need to please God. This is a big one. God taught me a lot this past summer about this. He pointed out that I have been living in fear of what others think of me. This includes my husband. Many people are watching us and possibly judging us, but the only One whose opinion matters is God. In Psalms David wrote, "What can mere men do to me?" He wrote this when Saul was in hot pursuit and had other men hunting for David. Saul was out to kill, and David's response is "What can mere men do to me?!?" If David can say that in his predicament, then surely I do not need to fear what others think of me! The best part is, if your spouse is a Christ follower like mine is, you will likely please him when you follow the Lord faithfully.

5. Praying for my husband is so much more effective than trying to change him. There have been times when I have thought, "I wish Mike would ______." I've heard it said many times that we should never try to change our spouse. It is not our job; it's God's. So if those thoughts ever come to my mind, instead of nagging, or telling him he is defective, I start to pray. I can't tell you very many specific situations when this has happened (mostly because I tend to forget anything I don't write down), but I know that on a number of occasions, I've seen a change in Mike and I realize that it was something I had been praying about. Those times are great reminders that God is so much better at changing hearts; including mine.

6. A great reationship takes time. Early on in our marriage, we noticed that we get along a lot better when we are together more often. When we think about the first few years of marriage when Mike was in seminary, the National Guard, working full time, I was working full time and going to school for part of that, we wonder how we managed. In those years we also noticed that the more time we spent together, the more we enjoyed each other's company. Now that we have kids, our time is spent differently and we still have to be intentional about spending time together. A friendship, a great relationship doesn't just happen. It takes time.

7. Deal with issues as they come up. I am a professional sweeper-under-the-rug. I tend to just "forget" about the little things, sweep them under the rug and move on. Well, this is fabulous for a little while, but before I know it, I've got a big lump in the middle of my rug, and I'm pulling things out from underneath that should have been dealt with months ago. My husband, on the other hand, is very good at resolving things fairly quickly and he has encouraged me to do the same. I am grateful that he has modeled this for me, because it is just so much more effective to talk things through one at a time instead of sorting through a pile of garbage.

8. God is in control and I am not. This one was kind of a hard one to swallow. I had this perfect plan in my head for years. I'd get married, a few years later have a baby and be done having babies by the time I was 30. After a few years, I began to realize that my plan might not have been what God had in mind. After 2 miscarriages, I was sort of wondering if I would be able to carry a baby to term. Then I felt God leading me to go back to school for counseling. It was in the middle of my semester in Graduate school that I began to grieve the loss of my plan and accept that God's plan is the best. Hindsight is really 20/20 and when you are a Christ follower, looking back is even better. When we look back, we can see His plan was in motion all along.

Mothering is NOT Mindless

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who recently made a major life change. She quit her full time job to be a stay-at-home mom and wife. She told me that she sometimes feels like her mind is going to go to waste because she's not using it staying at home, rocking her baby and doing housework. True, the tasks of motherhood and home-making can seem monotonous and mundane, but motherhood is far from mindless work.

As I've reflected on this over the past few weeks, I've realized how much mothers use their minds. We problem solve, manage our homes and families, use conflict management skills, and creativity.

When we see our children struggling with something, maybe it's reading, or friendships, or selfishness - you name it, we go into problem solving mode. How can we help our little one overcome this obstacle in his or her life? We might decide to be more intentional about making time to work on homework together. Maybe we need to work on building a certain character quality in our child, or invite another child over to play more often so we can help the two kids with their relationship. Once we think we have a problem solved, our children present us with another challenge! Mothering is not mindless.

I sat down today to make appointments. I needed to make an appointment for Tate's preschool screening, his 4 year old well child check-up, the girls' immunizations, and Anja's 9 month check-up. So, there I sat with my calendar making the appointments and got distracted by looking at the family schedule, planning meals for the upcoming week, figuring out what tasks need to be accomplished this week, and getting more ideas for Tate's preschool lessons. We mothers keep track of nap times, feeding times, who likes what foods, fixing supper, keeping the house in a livable condition (most of the time), keeping track of the location of everyone's possessions, etc., etc. Thankfully for me, I don't manage the bills (I'm horrible at that job), but I know that many mothers take time to pay the bills each week too. Mothering is not mindless.

If you're like me and have more than one child, you are utilizing your conflict management skills many times every day. I was amazed at how young sibling rivalry started, and I now understand why my mom got so upset when my sister and I fought. It is sometimes maddening to hear your children scream at each other and tattle on one another. I go back and forth between intervening and letting them work it out themselves. Helping a 4 year old see that the reason his 2 year old sister is screaming is because he continues to put his feet in her face is sometimes often futile. So, we mothers start to problem solve again. In the short-term, how can I stop this madness? In the long term, how can we help these children build a lasting friendship? I do believe that it is important for siblings to squabble, because it is at home that they too will eventually learn the art of conflict resolution, but it is a daunting task to help them build that skill! Mothering is not mindless.

And mothers have to be creative. I'm not talking about sewing dresses or making crafts. I am talking about out-smarting those little ones that we have been entrusted with. It's often not hard to see that they are trying to pull a fast one on us, but we need to be creative when we see it happening. At meal time, when they are suddenly full, but still have room for dessert. When they wake up in the morning with a mysterious illness and you have to decipher if it is really a stomache ache, or if it is the I-don't-feel-like-going-to-school-blues. Then there's the topic of discipline. The same consequence doesn't fit every crime, so we have to be creative. I've tried sending Tate to his room when he's done something mean to his sister to think about something nice he could do for her instead. He can't come out until he's thought of a legitimately nice thing. Not sure if this tactic works or not - I'll tell you in several years. Moms, the fruits of our labors aren't seen overnight. Mothering is not mindless.

I think its a sad fact that culture has now been feeding women a lie for years. The lie that says, "You are not doing anything worthwhile unless you are working outside the home." Maybe you've never heard those words exactly, but the message is subtly there. I'm not saying that every mother has to choose the path that I have and stay at home with their children, but I would encourage every woman to take a serious look at why they do what they do. Is it to find significance? Is it because you spent a lot of money on college and you don't want to see that time and money go to waste? Trust me, as a mother you do have significance (though you may not feel like it all of the time) and you are still using that college education; just in a different fashion. First and foremost, my significance comes from the fact that I am a child of God and live for King Jesus. We need to pass that truth on to our children whether we work outside the home, or are a stay at home mom. Remember moms, you are doing an important job that NOBODY else can do, and your job is more than monotonous and mundane. Mothering is NOT mindless.

My 3 Kiddos!

Rarely do I get a picture of all of my kids together. They aren't in the same place at the same time very often, and when they are I am usually saying something like, "Hey! Get off of the baby!" The other day I decided to get a posed shot of all 3 of them and it turned out to be one of my all-time favorites. It might be one of those that we look back at for years and laugh.

Each one of them has their own unique personalities and it is such a joy to see them grow. Starting with the middle child (since they have a tendency to be forgotten), here's a few tidbits of things going on right now with each of them.

*Norah (21 mo.) seems to be going through what we call a "personality spurt." I have no idea if that is a real phenomena or not, but it seems like every once in a while, our kid just seem to burst with new things.

*Norah has taken a little longer than Tate (I know you're not supposed to compare kids, but it's nearly impossible) to start talking, so communication has been difficult for a while. She has known what she wants, but the grunting, pointing and crying just wasn't getting her anywhere. In the past month, her vocabulary has taken off. 

*The other day, she was walking through the house saying, "Bankie, are you???" It sounded a little more like, "Bankeee, aww yooooo???"

*She is an okay eater, but if it's off of someone else's plate, the food tastes so much better! She particularly likes to mooch from Daddy. Tonight Mike had a piece of watermelon, so she pointed to his plate and said, "Bite." I told her that if she walked over to him and gave him a sweet smile, he'd probably give in. So, she walked over and gave Daddy one of her sweetest smiles. Did it melt his heart? You bet! Did she get a bite of watermelon? She sure did!

*Anja (6 mo) has been such an easy going baby. I tell people that if they need a day brightener, just look at Anja, because she is guaranteed to give you a million dollar smile that will make you feel like the most important person in her world at that moment.
*She is getting pretty good at sitting, but she rolls everywhere. Tonight, I was in the bathroom brushing the other kids' teeth before bedtime and we came out to see her stuck under the table. She wasn't upset about it. Instead she flashed me that grin that is sure to melt Daddy's heart many times over.
*We enjoyed some focused time with Anja this past week as Mike and I went to Chicago with just her. It's not too often she gets us all to herself!
*Anja is learning the joy of solid food.  On her list - Squash, green beans, peas, carrots and sweet potatoes. So far, she has liked it all.

*Two weeks ago, we quadrupled our pet population by adding a puppy on Monday and 2 kittens (he named them Dado and Isle) on Thursday. Tate has been a little intimidated by Steeter the puppy (who Tate also named), but has warmed up nicely to the cats....maybe a little too well. In this picture he decided that the kitties would like a ride on the teeter-totter. Before that, they had a turn in the baby swing. After the teeterer-totter? The slide of course!
*It has been so fun to see Tate enjoying the outdoors since we moved out to the country. He was so excited to take Aunt Cassie and Uncle Tim on a walk to tour our property. I'm sure the walk through the woods seems like a long hike to him!
*In less than a month, Tate will be 4 years old! Although there are days that are frustrating, at the end of the day we laugh at something he said or did that day. He is truly a fun little boy.
*Tate loves to make things and add lots of different ingredients. Sometimes we bake things together, but he often makes up his own recipes. His most recent creation is what he calls, "Great Bowls of Fun." This is a mixture of water, sawdust and dirt in his yellow bucket. He left it out on the deck one night so it could boil. It is so fun to see his curiosity!

Time to Slow Down - Part 3

When we moved to Mora a year and a half ago, we were thanking God for an answer to prayer. He didn't just give us a great church to serve in, but He allowed us to live in a small town. A few years before, we had realized that we wanted to raise our family in a small town in hopes of a slower pace of life. Of course, you can be just as busy here as anywhere else, but I think the pressure of "keeping up with the Jones" is not as great. 

We've been living in a house a couple of doors down from the church, so we were right in town and it was a very handy commute for Mike, but we knew that some day we wanted to move a little ways out of town and live in the country. In May, we caught a glimpse of this house on 5 acres, 4.5 miles from town:

When we looked at it with the realtor the first time, Mike and I kept giving each other looks when the realtor wasn't watching that said, "Oh my goodness!!!" We thought it looked like a great place to slow the pace of life a little more, and raise our kids. Mike has always liked log homes and I have always said they make great cabins, but I wouldn't want to live in one. Then I got to thinking, why not feel like you are going on a vacation in the north woods every time you go home?!?

We put an offer on the house at the end of May, but didn't find out that we had officially gotten it until the day we were driving down to Apple Valley at the beginning of our 2 weeks away. We had been asked if we would want to rent it until we were able to close, so we decided that July 7th sounded like a great day to move in...the day after we got home from being gone for 2 weeks. Perfect timing, right?

Some very generous women from church offered to pack up our kitchen while we were gone and I hesitantly accepted their offer, so when we got home, everything in our kitchen was in boxes. It was a beautiful sight! Mike and I dropped the older 2 kids off at a friend's house to play/nap on that Friday afternoon that we got back in town and we packed up as much as we could in a very short amount of time. I had honestly not packed anything before we left, so there was a lot to do! Call me a procrastinator, but for so long we weren't sure if we were actually moving that I didn't want to pack anything yet.

A group of guys showed up at the house starting at about 10:00 on Saturday morning to help us move the furniture and whatever Mike and I had managed to pack up the night before. We were so thankful for the help that came to donate their time and muscles, and those who came to lend a hand with the kids and help with lunch.

For two weeks now we've been unpacking and organizing. I actually enjoy this part of moving. I like to figure out where everything is going to go and coming up with new ways to organize things. What I don't like to unpack are those miscellaneous boxes that you throw together at the last minute. They are filled with things that didn't have a place to go at your old house, so chances are that it will be hard to find a place for them at your new house. I have a box like that sitting in the kitchen right now, and I really am not looking forward to unpacking it.

So, where does this whole slowing down thing fit into the picture? These few weeks of travelling and moving weren't exactly slow, and honestly I've been pretty busy unpacking in between other daily chores (not to mention that this blog post has been a several day process - 20 minutes here, 5 minutes there). We're on a journey to slow down our lives so we can enjoy life as God allows us. If we fill our lives with activities, the only thing that's full is our calendar. It is our desire to fill our lives with God and enjoy the goodness of the things He has surrounded us with. Every once in a while I think that maybe I should sign my kids up for this or that activity, but then I am reminded that my time with them is invaluable and I want to instill in them Godly values and character more than anything else. Not that outside activities won't build character in them, but more and more activities won't equal more character either. I'll climb off my soapbox now.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10 that says, "Be still and know that I am God." I need to be still more often. I have already enjoyed several mornings and evenings sitting on our deck and looking out at the beauty around me. I've also loved going in the back yard to the raspberry bushes almost daily for a snack, or to collect some berries for a meal. I am thankful for those moments of stillness. I have a feeling I'm going to like our log house in the woods!

Time to Slow Down - Part 2

The day after Mike got home from DC, he drove home to be at church on Sunday. The kids and I stayed at my parents' house so we could chop off an hour and a half off our drive to Chicago the next day. We left for Chicago on July 2nd, which was the first time we've made the trip with 3 kiddos in tow. We have a history of not-so-great car rides...lots of screaming and crying (first from the kids and eventually from mom and dad). Needless to say, we were a little curious to see how this trip would go.

I used to be staunchly opposed to the car DVD player. Then I had kids. I will admit that there have been trips to Chicago when a DVD has been playing virtually the entire time. It was worth the sanity that it saved.  I decided to be proactive this time, so I planned ahead and made some activities for the kids to do in the car. I wrapped each one up and put them in a "surprise bag" so every so often during the trip, the kids could open them up and (in theory) play with that activity until it was time for the next one.

A couple of the most popular ones were:
  *The Rice Shaker - I took a clean peanut butter jar and filled it with rice and small things like a button, pin, lego guy, sea shell, toy lizard, etc. for the kids to find. Then I superglued the lid on to prevent a major disaster! This was fun for both kids, even just to shake for the noise.
  *4 yogurt cups that I stole from my mom. Norah stacked, restacked and stacked again for about 30 minutes straight.
  *Beanie Babies that I found in a box of old stuff in the basement.

A couple of things that I was excited about, but didn't go over as well as I thought they would:
  *A road atlas and star stickers. The intention was that we'd put stickers on the map as we passed through certain cities. We put stickers on a couple of cities, but Tate got tired of it quickly, and Norah apparently visited towns in northern WI that the rest of us missed. :)
  *Homemade Lace-ups - I took foam sheets, cut them into shapes and then punched holes in them so Tate could lace them with shoelaces. This turned out okay, but caused more arguing over the shoelaces. Overall, I think Tate played with these for 15 minutes.

Partway into the trip, Tate was complaining that his tummy hurt. Since he had been awake since like 5:15 that morning, I told him he probably just needed to take a nap. He's never been much of a car sleeper, so it was a long shot, but worth a try, right? Well, I learned that he really did have a tummy ache when he launched his cookies all over the back seat. Thankfully we were stopped at a gas station when it happened. My loving husband cleaned up the mess inside the car while I took the kids in for lunch at the attached Wendy's. After being on the road about 30 minutes after lunch (of which Tate ate very little), Tate said that he had to go to the bathroom, so we pulled off at the next exit and I rushed into the bathroom with him....just a little too late. We made it back out to the car minus one undergarment. The poor boy obviously wasn't feeling well.


The trip improved dramatically when we arrived at Grandma and Grandpa's house! Everyone was happy to be there. We were excited to be able to meet our new nephew Caleb, who was born 25 days before Anja. It's going to be so fun to watch these two grow up!



Caleb - Born on 1/5/12 and Anja - Born on 1/30/12



The bigger kids had fun in the pool and sprinkler.

 We spent the 4th of July with extended family. In the morning Mike had a chance to visit his Grandpa at his nursing home. In the afternoon we headed to his Aunt and Uncle's house. Tate had a BLAST with his 2nd cousin Jonathan. Me...I spent most of the day laying in the guest room with a headache. Thankfully I knew their were lots of people there to help out!


Grandma and Grandpa's grandchild population went from zero to 5 in 3 1/2 years! I don't think they mind!

 Just like that, our trip to Chicago was done, but what would a trip to Chicago be without mention of food? We had deep dish Chicago style pizza the first night we were there (yum) and Mike and I went to a sandwich place one day for lunch while the kids were napping. After we ordered our food, we realized that they didn't take credit, so Mike had to head back to his parents' for the cash that I had left in my purse that I had unfortunatley decided not to bring along. I stayed at the shop as collateral. It wasn't too long after Mike left that the men started harassing me (all in good fun). They were convinced that he wasn't coming back, so they wondered if they could pawn my wedding ring to pay for our meal. The best was when one guy suggested that maybe my husband had gone out and found a young girl - to which I replied, "Are you calling me old?" Maybe I do need to accept that I don't look 20 any more. When I finally got to eat my sandwich, I was not disappointed. I am rarely disappointed with food in Chicago. The only thing I was disappointed with this time was that I didn't get a Chicago style hotdog.

We decided that we'd break up the trip home with a stop in Eau Claire for a little hotel fun. Swimming was the fun we knew we'd have - everyone sleeping in the same room was something we weren't sure would be fun. Much to our surprise, all 3 kids were asleep by 8:30. Mike made a Culver's run and brought back treats to eat while we sat in the dark. Then after 4 days of waking up at 5:something a.m., Tate slept until...drum roll please...8:30! And that was only because his sisters have a hard time being quiet.

For the most part, I would say the long car ride went well. I do have to give props to parents who take cross-country trips with their small children. My neck was sore after hours of being turned around picking things up off the floor and handing out snacks and surprises. It was a lot of work, but fairly pleasant.

We got home on the afternoon of Friday July 6th. You might think we could breath a sigh of relief. I mean, who doesn't like the feeling of home after being gone for an extended period of time? That's a story for Time to Slow Down - Part 3.

Time to Slow down - Part 1

This has been a crazy few weeks, and I have been looking forward to getting a chance to sit down and write about it before I forget the things I want to say. We've made a lot of memories these past few weeks and I am going to take this chance to record some of them, and this could get long, so I'm going to make this 3 separate posts.

On June 25th, we headed down to Apple Valley to stay with my parents. Mike was headed for Washington DC for our denomination's annual convention, so my sister and I planned a garage sale for the days he was gone. I'm not sure what we were thinking, trying to do a garage sale with 8 kids and a dog in 95+ degree weather, but we had fun, we survived, and we made a little money.

Usually a trip to Apple Valley takes about 1 hr and a half. I don't remember how long it took us to get there, but I do know that 3 stops later, we finally made it. 3 stops is WAY too many to make in 90 miles. First Tate dropped his blankie on the floor (and if you know Tate, you know that this is unacceptable), so we had to stop to pick it up. Then Norah dropped her "gankeeee" on the floor and since she is becoming increasingly more and more attached to it, it was necessary to stop and pick it up. A short time later, I hear Norah saying, "Uh-oh, Uh-oh." I look back and she has thrown up. So, we must pull the car over again to get the poor girl cleaned up. Meanwhile, Anja needed to be fed, so we might as well do that too, instead of stopping again before we arrive at grandma and grandpa's house.

Tate is our early riser, especially when we're not staying at home. One morning I heard him get up, so I went over to the room he was sleeping in and saw him peeking out the window saying, "It's getting there!!! It's almost daytime!" I really dislike his early wake-up calls (that morning was somewhere around 5:30), but I do appreciate his excitement for life.

Mike was gone from Wednesday to Saturday in DC and the day henflew back had been a rough one for me and the kids, so when I left to pick Mike up at the airport my dad told me he didn't want me calling to tell them they'd re-routed the plane to Duluth. Let me tell you, it was tempting! We were all ready for a little Daddy time. I am very thankful for my husband!

While we were in Apple Valley, we had lots of time to play with cousins and I spent some good time with my sister. We got together with some friends while we were there too, which is always fun. The kids also enjoyed staying at Grandma and Grandpa's house where Grandma makes PB sandwiches before bed if they didn't eat a good supper, which by the way, is something that she NEVER would have done for us when were that age. But, she's grandma and she can, right?

The next leg of our journey was to visit Mike's family in Chicago, which I will write about (with pictures) in "Time to Slow Down - Part 2."

Raising PK's

Pastor's Kids (PK’s) have a bad reputation. That really bugs me. This has been on my mind lately, because twice this past week, someone has said something about the fact that my kid is a PK. It goes something like, [insert derogatory tone] "That's a PK for ya," or, "Typical PK." I don't think I ever realized how frustrating this stereotype was until I had a few PK's of my own.

History has shown that there are PK's who have strayed from the faith of their parents. I will not deny that. There are also PK's who still love and follow God. I've read a few blogs written by PK's, both who loved it and hated it. It seems like there are a few common threads that these folks say that PK's have to deal with that other "normal" children do not.

Here they are in no particular order:
1. They live in a fishbowl.
2. People have crazy high expectations of them.
3. Their dad is gone a lot (I think this is a trend that the church has realized and is changing. At least, the people in our church give us time to be a family, and we are very grateful)
4. They have an inside look at the negative things that happen at church.
5. They see it when their dad is discouraged because someone at church treated him poorly.

For the most part, we as adults have the ability to handle these adversities, but children do not. They wonder why the people they love at church are being mean. They wonder why the church "stole" their dad away from them and begin to resent God and the church because of it. They can't chalk up people's nasty behavior to sin and love them anyway. The combination of these things has caused PK's to leave the church hurt and turn from Christ. (On a side note, I wonder if PK's turn from God more often than other kids, or if we just notice it more because they are in the spotlight?)

But why is this now the expectation? Why would we ever EXPECT our children to rebel just because their dad is a Pastor?!? Maybe these comments have been made in jest, but it subtly communicates the expectation that the Pastor's kids will misbehave. Believe me, they will (do), but not because they are PK's. They misbehave because they are just normal children, trying to figure out life just like other kids their age.

On the flip side, should we EXPECT perfection just because their dad is a Pastor? I don't think so. No one is perfect - including the PK's parents! We are just normal Christian parents trying to raise our children in the love of Christ and praying like crazy that they will grow up to serve and follow Christ.

I'm a newbie at this thing called parenting. And I'm even more of a newbie at raising PK's. So far, this is my only beef. I wish that stereotype of my kids didn't exist, because I don't want them to be put in a box just because of what their dad does. Our hope is that we can guard our kids from some of the things that are difficult for them to process, but when we can't, I hope that we can teach them forgiveness and grace.

Misplaced Identity

I just finished a book called, "Mistaken Identity" about two college students who were in a car accident. Whitney Cerak was pronounced dead at the scene and Laura Van Ryn was taken to a hospital in critical condition. It's a true story that made national news in 2006. What was remarkable about this story was that 5 weeks after the accident, they realized that they had mistaken the identities of these girls. For 5 weeks, they were calling the girl in the hospital Laura. When they discovered the mistake, Whitney's family recieved a very confusing phone call telling them that the daughter they thought was dead was actually alive.

I sometimes feel like I've misplaced my identity. My name is not Melissa anymore - it's mommy. As a mom, it seems like my world is so immersed in my children and my home that I've forgotten who I am. I realized several weeks ago that if someone were to ask me what I do for fun, I wouldn't know how to answer. What are my hobbies? What do I enjoy? With the encouragement of my husband I've been allowing myself time to re-discover some of the things I enjoy doing.

I acknowlege the fact that a large part of my identity is my kids, and I do really appreciate my role as mommy right now, but there is more to me than that. Deep down in there, Melissa is still there! 

Someday soon, I'll find my identity again, even while my kids are still young.

(A few days later)
While I listened to this morning's sermon, I reflected on this blog entry. My Pastor (who happens to be my husband!) was talking about adversity inside and outside of God's will. When we are outside of God's will, we may experience agony in our souls that tells us that something is just not right. When we are inside of God's will, we may still experience difficulties, but those times are different because when we know we are inside of God's will, we know that He will give us what we need to make it through the difficulties. Do we run from the troubles, or do we face them head on? It is in our suffering that we are drawn closer to God IF we respond correctly and run to Him. That is why we need to welcome hardships - they will draw us closer to the One we serve.

In light of this, I thought of my inner struggle with feeling like I have lost my identity to the role of "mommy." I know that my identity is first and foremost the fact that I am a child of God, and that has not changed. The role of mom has been added to my identity, and that is a great thing. That role is very demanding and time consuming and all too often I try to do it on my own without drawing closer to God in the midst of the difficulties. Trust me, when I do it without His guidance throughout the day, things do not go well. I don't think I am running from God, but I don't run to Him as often as I need.

So, yes I will rediscover some things that I enjoy doing, but I also need to accept the fact that this time in our family's life is demanding, and often exhausting, but oh so valuable as we shape our children and raise them in the love of Christ. And if I draw closer to God during this time, my relationship with Him will be stronger on the other side.

Maintanence Matters

Have you ever purchased the extra maintanence package with a new appliance or electronic toy?
Do you get regular oil changes in your car?
How often do you get a hair cut to keep your hair the style you like?
Do you clean your house on a regular basis to maintain some sense of order?
Does the dentist clean your teeth every once in a while and check for cavities?
How often to you go to the doctor to see what's wrong?

What do you do to maintain your marriage relationship? So often, we do things to maintain important things in our lives, but we neglect the one person who matters most; our spouse. It is a sad thing when a marriage is unhealthy, but I can assure you that it didn't happen overnight. Other things become more important to us, or we think that we're doing just fine, or we get so busy we don't have time to maintain our relationship, or, or, or..... The list could go on.

Mike and I just attended "Laugh Your way to a Better Marriage." A couple at church had seen these videos (laughyourway.com) and wanted to show them for 4 consecutive Friday nights at church. So, about 20 couples got together, watched the videos and discussed things afterward. We realized some things about each other that we never had and had some great conversations in the days that followed. It was a great "tune-up" for our marriage.

One thing we recently realized was that we need more frequent, intentional times together. I don't just mean being in the same house. (I think married couples become more like roommates sometimes) We decided that 2 times a week, we'll have date nights. This doesn't mean we go out somewhere every time, but rather, do something together after the kids go to bed.

Marriage is such a wonderful gift from God! I love being married to Mike who is a man of God. I could start listing all of the things I love about my husband, but let's make another list. In the comments section, write something that you and your spouse have done together that has been fun. That way we can give each other more ideas for things we can do to maintain our marriages and make them thrive.

And We're Off!

...to Slide, Iowa that is! Where is Slide, Iowa, you ask? That, my friend, is a very good question. For months now Tate has been talking about and asking to go to Slide, Iowa. For a while I got away with telling him it was too cold outside, and since we needed to walk there, his sisters couldn't go out in the cold (to which he always replied, "we'll just put on our mittens!).  A few weeks ago we went for a walk in the evening and Mike and I let him lead the way. He got to point which direction to turn at every intersection. Eventually we ended up back at home, which he said was Slide, Iowa. He seemed satisfied with that until this week when he wanted to go there again (it's apparently a pretty fun place).

So this morning he started packing his bags for Slide, Iowa. He wanted to pack his entire pajama drawer and his sleeping bag, because we were going to stay at the hotel there. When I convinced him he didn't need all of that, he packed 2 blankies in his kid-sized green backpack and off we went.

The goggles were also a requirement for the journey.

At first the route to Slide, Iowa was very similar to the one we took a few weeks back. He really likes hills, so any hill we saw, that's the way we went. Mind you, they are very gradual inclines, but when you are pushing 70 extra pounds (kids + stroller) and carrying 13 more in the baby bjorn it feels like you are climbing a mountain. As the walk got longer and longer, Mommy got tired-er and tired-er. I started hinting that maybe we should head down streets we hadn't been down yet....streets that headed toward home!

We ended up in a good friend's back yard to play for a while and then made it home again with two tired, hungry and dirty kids. When Daddy asked if we made it to Slide, Iowa, Tate responded, "No, they sold it!"

Wondering when our next adventure to Slide, Iowa will be!

I love the vivid imagination of my son and hope that I can foster his adventurous and curious spirit as he grows.

What do you do with minus two?

Mike and I were planning on going to a marriage enrichment seminar at church last night and didn't have a babysitter, so I called and begged asked my parents to take our two older kids for the weekend. Actually, it went something like, "Hey, mom you wouldn't want to come and pick up Tate and Norah for the weekend would you?" "I totally would if I didn't have to work, sorry." So, I call my dad. "Dad, you wanna hang out with your grandkids for the weekend?" "Well, I'd love that Melissa. Let me call your mom." Yep, I'm 31 years old and I employed the thing we tell Tate NOT to do: I asked dad when mom said no. Some things never change.

Since our early riser was away (who apparently was so excited to be at G & G's house, he was awake by 6:00 this morning), Mike and I thought we might just get to sleep in. Nope. Tate must have talked to Anja before he left and told her, "Whatever you do, do not let mom and dad sleep past 7:00." Oh well. Sleep is over-rated, right?

I was so excited to get a lot accomplished today while I didn't have kids here to make messes as I cleaned. I cleaned the kitchen, washed the floor, cleaned the bathroom, did some laundry, went shopping, ate chinese with my love and baked banana bread (which is in the oven right now). I feel like there are still enough things to fill another day, but I am SO thankful for the time I had to get done what I did.

We also had lots of opportunities to have some great talks with Anja today. And boy was she talkative! It was so fun to hear her babble and smile every time we looked at her throughout the day. I love seeing each of our kids' personalities come alive and getting to know who God made them to be. God makes no two kids alike, so we get the chance to get to know them as individuals. I am in awe of God for His creativity when I look at people. If it were up to me (and thank goodness it's not), we'd all be exactly the same.

I have thoroughly enjoyed some relaxed time with Mike and getting some things done around the house, but it will be great to kiss those two adorable faces tomorrow!

To Clean or Not to Clean

One of my favorite quotes is, "If you came to see me, come any time. If you came to see my house, make an appointment." I think I might just paint that on a plaque and hang it next to my front door! I used to try to have my house "company ready," but finally realized that was just not realistic. I really do wish I was neater and my house was usually picked up. I am much more relaxed when it is, but I have finally admitted that I am just not that way. Maybe I will be some day, but for now messy is the norm. As I type this, here's what my living room and dining room look like:

The sad thing is, this is a fairly good day!

When company comes over though, I do try to have the house presentable. I've been thinking lately about my motives for this. I don't think it is good to try to make my house perfect for the sake of impressing other people. Sometimes it might make someone feel inadequate, because seriously, whose house is perfect all the time?!? Admit it, you have a spot in your house where all of the clutter gathers. In my house it's the end of the dining room table....and the top of the dishwasher, and the.... So, I started leaving a little of the clutter out when people came over to let them know that I am normal too. Mike even talked about this in a sermon one time. A friend of mine said that what she learned from the sermon was that she's not supposed to clean her house for company. I don't think that was his point, but instead that we don't need to feel the need to impress everyone.

But what if my motive is different? Maybe my attitude needs to be that it makes the guest feel honored that I took the time to clean my house for them. (I suppose they would have to know what the house looked like BEFORE they came over. Hmmm...maybe I should frame the above pictures with a caption that says something like, "This is what my house normally looks like. I cleaned it just for you!") Back to the point. I do believe that a big part of hospitality is making the guest feel welcome and comfortable. Walking into someone's mess might not make a person very comfortable or at ease. Hey, I'm not even at ease in my own mess let alone someone else's. When someone comes into my home, I want them to know they are welcome, that I am glad they are here, and I want them to be able to relax and be themselves.

I guess my point is this: The Bible calls us to be hospitable (Romans 12:13, Hebrews 13:2, 1 Peter 4:9) and we are not to have any other gods. People can be one of many idols that we put above the One True God, so we try to impress and please them instead of God.

So if your heart is right and your motive is to be hospitable and put your company at ease, then yes clean your house. If not, leave it messy.

He is Risen!

He is Risen INDEED!

When Tate woke up on Easter morning, we practiced saying, "He is Risen!" "He is Risen Indeed!" It is fun to teach the truths of our faith to our kids and see them get excited about it. Easter Sunday is just one of many days to teach them about the sacrifice of love that Jesus made for us!

We had lots of fun on Easter, so I thought I'd share some photos from the day:

 

Here's Tate at breakfast in the morning - Bed head and all!

 

Tate was excited to wear a tie, and Norah, well she just looks cute.



Sweet Anja in her Easter dress

It is really hard to get a good picture with everyone looking at the camera at once!
This is the best one out of MANY tries!

A little Easter egg hunt for Tate, who thinks that Easter eggs fall from the sky!

Norah giving hugs to the doll she got in her Easter basket.

Norah was sleeping during Tate's Easter egg hunt outside, so after she woke up, she got to hunt for eggs in her bedroom. She was thrilled with the first egg she found and would have been satisfied...
good thing there were only 4!

Okay, so this wasn't on Easter, but I just had to put this one up.

Can I just say I'm very excited that she has a dimple?!?!

Okay, this one's not Easter either, but this kid makes us laugh all the time. This morning when I told Tate to get dressed, this is how he came out of his room. You can't really see it, but his undies are over his pajamas too. And that big lump in his pajamas? Those are his blankets stuffed in there.

I love my kids!

Connections

I had MOPS this morning and came home very grateful for the opportunity to connect with other moms. I happen to have possibly the best MOPS discussion group (just my humble opinion), and we have some great conversations. It is so nice to know that other moms are experiencing some of the same joys and frustrations as I am. And it is good to be able to rejoice with other moms in things that happen in their lives and pray for them as they go through difficulties.

It reminded me of how important it is to build relationships. There are negative consequences when we isolate ourselves. I tend to become inward focused, thinking that I am the only one who has problems - that everyone else has it all together. I start having big pity parties where I am the only one invited. Is anyone with me on this? As Christians, we are called to have community and be connected.

Hebrews 10:23-25 says,

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another..."

This may seem a little off the topic, but bare with me here. Mike and I have recently watched a lot of documentaries about the Amish. Secretly I've always wanted to be Amish, but I'm pretty sure I'd only last a day or two. While I disagree with a lot of the Amish beliefs, there are some things that I think we can learn from them. Much of their motivation for living simple lives is to preserve relationship. They don't have cars because a car would take them away from their community. They don't have phones because why visit when you can just call? Let me take it a little further. If I have a phone, I'll call instead of visit. If I have e-mail, I'll e-mail instead of call and if I have Facebook, I don't need to e-mail because all I need to do is take a look at my friends' statuses to find out what's going on in their lives.

Am I going to sell my car, cancel my Facebook account, get rid of my e-mail and throw away my phone? Probably not, but it does spur me on to be more intentional about relationships that are encouraging and that stir me up to love and good works.

A Quest for Joy

I've been on a quest lately. A quest to put joy back in my day. This started a few weeks ago when the baby blues were getting me down. I'd just given birth to our 3rd little bundle of joy and honestly, there were several days when I did not want to be in my shoes. It has become increasingly difficult to stay on top of housework, I have a 16 month old who doesn't talk, but instead grunts and screams about whatever she wants, and a 3 year old who had decided that Daddy wasn't as qualified as Mommy to help with things like getting dressed, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, etc. (You name it, he wanted Mommy to help) I'm not looking for pity, because I know that MANY moms are there with me and MANY moms have been there and survived. I just know that on those days I felt like I couldn't do this job of being a Mommy.

I've always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom, so I should be joyful in everything it entails, right? I wish it was that easy. Since a big part of my struggle was patience with my kiddos and having a hard time accepting them for who they are, I decided it was time for me to change my perspective. That's when I started my quest. Every day I look for something positive about each of my kids and then tell them about it. Sounds simple, right? Most days its pretty easy to find at least one good thing about them, but I have to admit there have been a couple days (yesterday being one of them) when it was difficult to recall positive things at the end of the day. For the most part though, it has helped me to change my perspective and most of all my attitude toward my children and this job that God has entrusted me with. It has been fun to keep my eye out all day for positive things they do and try to choose one of them to tell them about.

I am much more okay with Norah's grunts as she tries to communicate her desires, because I have been able to pick up on the other ways that she shows her personality, like her facial expressions, body language and giggles. I've seen more positive things about Tate who has shown compassion for his sisters and eagerness to "help" his Daddy on the projects around the house. We've even noticed that he's been asking Daddy to help him with more things too. Is that a direct result of my quest, or just coincidence? I don't know, but I'll take it. I still haven't mastered seeing the positive in the clutter that I seem to be constantly stepping on, around or over. I'll let you know when that happens!

And the other thing that replenishes the joy in my day? Time in God's word. I need to remind myself of that at times, and I never regret when I've taken the time to let Him speak to me. One day in particular when the baby blues were getting me down, I read 2 Corinthians 4. Some of the verses that spoke to me in my time of need were:

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay,

to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed:

perplexed, but not driven to despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken;

struck down, but not destroyed." (vs. 7-9)

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away,

our inner self is being renewed day by day.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us

an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." (vs. 16-17)