Why I've Given Up on Parenting Books and Wrinkle Cream

At this point in my life, I'm working on my growth in the Lord for two specific reasons. As Christians we are being sanctified throughout our entire lives until we are in glory, and I pray that I never stop having the desire to grow and change to become more like Christ. But, in this season there are two things that have caused me to desire growth.

Reason #1:
So I can be a better mom.

Ever since I was a teenager, I've loved reading and listening about parenting and family life. In those years I formed many opinions about how to raise kids (and putting them to practice is much different than when they are theory. I like to say that I was a perfect parent before I had kids).

In more recent years, since realizing that this parenting thing is really hard, I will read snippets here and a book there about how to discipline best, how to not emotionally damage my children, how to (fill in the blank). You name it, it's out there. A lot of people have opinions and theories on the best way to raise kids, and it is all so accessible.

A few weeks ago, I realized how damaging those things have actually been to my parenting. Okay, that's maybe an exaggeration, but I noticed it after I read an article about parenting (I don't even remember what it was about now). I started questioning myself as I interacted with my kids. Thinking, "oh no, maybe I shouldn't have done that because now they are going to have a complex." There's so much pressure to be perfect; to have it all together.

So I decided to quit learning how to be a better parent. Instead, I want God to sanctify me so that out of the overflow of my heart, I can parent my children well. When I am following close to God, I can only think that good things will follow in my children's lives as well. They will see that I am less self-centered. They will see that I get angry less often. They will see that I help them get to the heart of their issue instead of only addressing the surface issues. They will see that I treat my husband with respect. They will see that I am in the Word more. They will see joy instead of bitterness.

Reason #2:

So my inner beauty shines as I get older.

There are a few more gray hairs on my head lately; more than I care to pull out of my head. The skin around my eyes is a little loose, with some laugh lines at the corners, and my forehead wears the wrinkles of many raised eyebrows. 

I could search for the latest wrinkle cream, or run out and buy a box of hair dye (I will probably do that eventually, just not quite yet.) But I know that no matter what I do, I am going to get older, and my body will show the signs. Instead of focusing on the outward evidence of age, I want to be an older, wiser woman of God who speaks truth, gives grace, and shows love to those around her. And if I want to be that woman in years to come, it only stands to reason that I need to allow God to work out my salvation through sanctifying me now, so that when I am older and fully gray, I will be wise; not perfect, but wise.

"Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life." Proverbs 16:31

I was listening to a podcast yesterday with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, and she put words to these thoughts that I've been having. These are her words: "When you’re young, there are some character defects—whether bitterness or selfishness or pride—that can be covered up or glossed over with youthful energy, good looks, natural ability, or natural personality. But as you get older and those physical, outward things fade away, if those character defects have not been sanctified, they’re going to become more pronounced and more visible." If you want to listen to this in it's entirety, you can go to God's Beautiful Design for Women.

Often I've wished that I could have the wisdom of a grandma right now in these days of parenting young children, but then I realize that part of what made those older women wise was going through these years. So I'll wait, and while I wait I'll learn and ask God to help me grow and give me wisdom.

I've voiced this to a couple of people in the last couple of weeks, and I wonder if it has come out as more self-focused than I intend it to be. Our culture is so ME focused. Serve yourself first. But, that is not biblical and that is not what I am getting at.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others 

more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

What I desire is for Christ to be so evident in my life, that it effects every area of my life. To God be the glory for what is has done, is doing, and will do in me and through me!