Husband Envy

Wives, have you ever looked at someone else's husband and thought, "I wish my husband would _______ like her husband does?" If you have done that, then you've suffered at some point from what I am calling "husband envy." Again, I noticed this tendency to compare ourselves with picture perfect comments on social media and wish our husbands would be, or do something that they currently are not. Don't get the wrong idea here; I am in no way condoning bashing our husbands so that others won't envy them! We need to always respect our husbands, especially in public. Then the task is to not envy other wives when they speak well of their husbands. How do we keep ourselves from doing that?

*Find the positive things about your husband. Your husband may not be perfect (he's not), but he has many endearing qualities about him. Have you ever noticed how when you focus on the negative, all you see are the bad things? The same thing applies here. If you focus on the positive, you are bound to start seeing more things that you like.

*Be a better wife. Maybe that's a harsh way of saying it, because even if we try harder, we'll never be perfect, but my point is this; scripture tells us not to judge someone for the speck of dust is their eye when you have a log in your own (Matthew 7:3). Jesus also told the Pharisees that whoever had no sin could throw the first stone at the adulteress (John 8:7).  So our husbands are not perfect, but neither are we. So before we can point out flaws in them, we need to work on our own lives first. Last week I read through Proverbs 31, and while I don't think I'll ever be that woman, I realized all the areas where I fall short and can improve. As a whole, the woman described there is a hard working wife. Do I work hard? Not always. She "rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." I'm sure she had to work a lot harder to provide food for her family than I do. Maybe she had to rise before the sun to grind the wheat and bake the bread. All I have to do is open up my drawer and pull out my pre-sliced bread from the grocery store.

*Spend time in Scripture. Apart from being a better wife, we need to spend time being refined by our Maker and become a better person. As I've realized my need to spend time in the Word, and done it, I've craved it more. A bonus was when my husband noticed that I'd been spending more time with my Bible open, he greatly appreciated it. Becoming closer to God can only bring you closer to your husband.

*Be genuinely happy for the wife with the awesome husband. This is a hard one, but if we are happy for the good in someone else's life, then it is impossible to be envious or jealous. The opposite is also true. If jealousy and envy rule our minds, then we'll never be genuinely happy for anyone else because we'll always want what they have.

*Encourage your husband. A few months ago, I was listening to a radio program about women who wish their husbands would spiritually lead their households. Nagging your husband to lead your family in devotions, or even join the family for church is not going to go very far. In fact, it might take you in the opposite direction. Instead, the speaker on this program advised wives to look for an area of strength in their husbands and build him up in that area. Saying something like, "I really appreciated it when you __________," will encourage him to do that specific thing more often, but it might also encourage him to step up in other areas that you never expected. Also keep in mind that it takes ten positive comments to undo one negative comment, so don't hold back. It might feel awkward at first, but a little encouragement will go a long way.

Did you notice that fixing the sickness of husband envy has little to do with changing him into the husband you wish he was and more to do with who you are and the way you see things? All of these things come with a caveat though. You can try really hard to do the right things and be a good wife for your husband, but if you are constantly trying to be good for your husband (or any other person for that matter), you'll always fall short. Seek a closer relationship with God and you will grow as a person and a wife.

Mommy Envy

We've all done it. Compared ourselves with other moms. It's so easy to do when you read a Facebook status, look at a cute idea on Pinterest of something some other mom did with her kids, or read one of the many many blogs out there. You look at other moms and assume that they have it all together; that this picture of the smiling children doing a fun activity is the way their days always go. We wonder why we can't be a super-mom like she is.

It is so easy to fall into the comparison trap. Sometimes comparing can be helpful because it brings perspective (like reading that a friend of mine has kids who wake up at 4 or 5 in the a.m. makes 6:30 seem like sleeping in. It really would have helped my mood if I would have remembered that this morning!), but often it brings discontentment, or dissatisfaction with the situation that God has us in. Paul writes to the Philippians saying, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (4:11-13). Whatever situation we face, we need to rely on God for His strength. Yes, even in the times when life is going exactly the way we like it. Especially then; because in those times we run the risk of becoming prideful and thinking we can do it without God's help, and pride is a very dangerous sin. It is the root of a lot of other sins. (Proverbs 8:13, 16:18 and 29:13, Mark 7:22, and 1 John 2:16 are some verses that tell us what God thinks about pride in case you want to look them up.) And in the times when you are challenged beyond what you think you can handle, know that we serve a God who has overcome the world! That is an amazing thought. He never loses the battle; He always wins in the end, so whatever my battle is He can give me the strength. The other day when my patience was wearing thin, I was very aware that I could not do it on my own. My words miraculously came out of my mouth calmly instead of the impatient way they played in my head. I thanked God for that moment, because I had every intention of snapping at my kids.

The truth is, you'll never be super-mom and neither will she (whoever "she" is). Because truly, none of us can do this on our own. We need God to be our strength and our guide. I write these words as much for myself as anyone else. I've realized this in myself so much lately. It's not that my need for God wasn't there before, but my sinfulness and my weakness has been magnified in my eyes so that I can see His perfection and my dire need for Him even more than before.

So remember the next time you are tempted to be discontent; God wants you to be content right where you are and He will give you exactly what you need not just to get through it, but to do it well. Then you can give Him the glory for a job well done.

Christmas in Pictures

 We had a fun Christmas season this year, as I hope you did too.  As I type that statement, I am reminded that Christmas isn't just about fun. It's about worshiping Jesus. Tate and I had a conversation about that one day when we were listening to "Kids Christmas music" on Pandora. I said to Tate, "You know what's sad? This whole time we've been listening to music, there hasn't been a single song about Jesus. They are all about Santa. Christmas isn't about Santa. It's about worshiping Jesus." Tate replied, "So, they are worshiping Santa?" The wisdom of a child! That being said, I hope that your Christmas was more about Jesus than it was about anything else.

After the Christmas decorations went up, we had a little photo shoot in the house to try to catch some pictures that were acceptable for the Christmas card. These are ones that didn't make the cut for one reason or another. 

Love this one of Tate and Norah as it captures a moment of sibling affection. They get along most of the time, but hugs like this often end up on the floor in a wrestling match, and wrestling matches between these two often eventually end in tears.
I tried to use a prop for Anja's picture, but if you can read her mind, she is thinking, "It looks so tasty! I just want to eat it!" We hung the reindeer back on the Christmas tree before it became her afternoon snack.

On Christmas morning, the 5 of us exchanged gifts at our house, left the gifts strewn about the living room and packed into the car for our week long Christmas celebration. Our first stop on our Christmas trip was Grandma Lynette and Grandpa Jim's house for a couple of days. We celebrated with "the cousins" on Christmas day....and of course had to get the obligatory picture in front of the Christmas tree!  

Every year we eat some of the standard Christmas meal dishes like lefse, Swedish sausage, rice pudding, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes, along with a few other things. This year I made a new Christmas dish. Actually it's an old favorite of my Grandpa's. Fruit soup. Lots of prunes and other dried fruit cooked to mush (well, apparently I cooked it a little too mushy according to Grandpa. Oh well, I'll try again next year). If you'd like, I can send you the recipe so you can try it too!

Have you ever given a gift that was a hit? That was this year with my niece Maddy. This was the first present she opened, and she read it the rest of the day. We had to remind her every time it was her turn again to open another present. It sure doesn't happen with every gift you give, but when it does, it is priceless!

Our next leg of the journey was to Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Gerry's house in Chicago. If you've read my blog for a while, you'll know that we aren't all that fond of road trips, but this year exceeded our expectations. We made it down there in a decent amount of time with relatively little crying (and no puking). 

We celebrated Christmas on Saturday with the whole family. There were lots of presents, good food and good company. 

It's fun to watch the kids play together as they get older. Our niece, Noelle was born in May and Norah was born just 5 months later, so I'm sure they'll have many memorable times together! I've apologized several times for naming Norah with the same first 2 letters, because it gets confusing sometimes! Anja is starting to want to join in the fun too!

For some reason this year we've broken more ornaments than all the other years combined. One included a glass ball that was filled with thousands of tiny red beads. I'm still finding them around the house and I'm sure I will for a long, long time. So, last night as we were all doing our thing around the house, I came around the corner to find Anja tugging at the string of red berries on the Christmas tree. The tree was beginning to teeter and I caught it just before it hit the floor. Several ornaments fell off, but thankfully none of them broke and thankfully it didn't fall on top of Anja. I couldn't get it to stand up again, so I leaned it against the wall and decided to take care of it in the morning. Well, this morning when I went to take the decorations off of it, I attempted to set it up straight again so it would be easier to get the back ones off and this is what happened:

The tree is now all disassembled and ready to be put in the box until next year. It was pretty while it lasted. Our Christmas celebration ended with a bang this year! (Bad, bad joke. I know.)