Pastor's Kids (PK’s) have a bad reputation. That really bugs me. This has been on my mind lately, because twice this past week, someone has said something about the fact that my kid is a PK. It goes something like, [insert derogatory tone] "That's a PK for ya," or, "Typical PK." I don't think I ever realized how frustrating this stereotype was until I had a few PK's of my own.
History has shown that there are PK's who have strayed from the faith of their parents. I will not deny that. There are also PK's who still love and follow God. I've read a few blogs written by PK's, both who loved it and hated it. It seems like there are a few common threads that these folks say that PK's have to deal with that other "normal" children do not.
Here they are in no particular order:
1. They live in a fishbowl.
2. People have crazy high expectations of them.
3. Their dad is gone a lot (I think this is a trend that the church has realized and is changing. At least, the people in our church give us time to be a family, and we are very grateful)
4. They have an inside look at the negative things that happen at church.
5. They see it when their dad is discouraged because someone at church treated him poorly.
For the most part, we as adults have the ability to handle these adversities, but children do not. They wonder why the people they love at church are being mean. They wonder why the church "stole" their dad away from them and begin to resent God and the church because of it. They can't chalk up people's nasty behavior to sin and love them anyway. The combination of these things has caused PK's to leave the church hurt and turn from Christ. (On a side note, I wonder if PK's turn from God more often than other kids, or if we just notice it more because they are in the spotlight?)
But why is this now the expectation? Why would we ever EXPECT our children to rebel just because their dad is a Pastor?!? Maybe these comments have been made in jest, but it subtly communicates the expectation that the Pastor's kids will misbehave. Believe me, they will (do), but not because they are PK's. They misbehave because they are just normal children, trying to figure out life just like other kids their age.
On the flip side, should we EXPECT perfection just because their dad is a Pastor? I don't think so. No one is perfect - including the PK's parents! We are just normal Christian parents trying to raise our children in the love of Christ and praying like crazy that they will grow up to serve and follow Christ.
I'm a newbie at this thing called parenting. And I'm even more of a newbie at raising PK's. So far, this is my only beef. I wish that stereotype of my kids didn't exist, because I don't want them to be put in a box just because of what their dad does. Our hope is that we can guard our kids from some of the things that are difficult for them to process, but when we can't, I hope that we can teach them forgiveness and grace.
