Motivating my Kids to Get Involved

Several months back, my kids received an iPad as a gift. They didn't know this, and I kept it hidden in my sock drawer for a few months while I tried to figure the thing out (I'm not techy), and develop a plan for it's use. I didn't want them to just have unlimited access to the iPad. I wanted them to work for it.

Then, I started "the system." If you've been following along for the past couple of months, you'll know that I have started using 3x5 notecards to keep track of my household chores. It has transformed my life (I'm almost not exaggerating). One thing that I did when I was setting up my cards was that I assigned a value to the jobs that I thought were appropriate for the kids to do. When they do the job on that card, they earn tokens. When they earn enough tokens, they can cash them in for time on the iPad. 1 token = 5 minutes.


This is a win/win in my book!

Some things I've appreciated since starting the tokens for rewards:

1. The iPad is a great motivator. They love to play games on there, so if they don't have very many tokens in their cup, they can do a job to earn more time. I'm happy because the bathroom floors get swept, and they're happy because they get more time on the iPad!

2. I love that my kids are learning how to maintain a house. For instance, my kids never realized how often I have to sweep the floor in order to keep it crumb-free. On a good day I sweep at least twice a day. With these little people eating 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, it could probably be swept more often, but that's just not realistic.

3. When we first started the tokens, I didn't do it with our youngest, who is three. I didn't think he'd get the concept of earning the tokens and cashing them in, but last week I decided I'd give it a shot. I had been listening to a webinar about discipline while maintaining attachment, and much of it was focused on behavior prevention instead of intervention. The speaker strongly recommended a reward system, so I thought I'd try with him. Oh my goodness. It is great! I can say, "Great job for putting those toys away! Now I'm going to give you a token!" Or, "Thank you so much for playing nicely with your sister! You earned a token!" One time, he even ran over to his siblings, and exclaimed, "Look guys! I earned tokens!" For him, 75% of the reward is getting the token in his fingers and putting it in the cup.


4. I have also used this reward system in the opposite direction. I might say to my oldest, "You have a bad attitude right now about your school work and if that doesn't change I'm going to have to take a few tokens away." It (usually) works.

5. Today we were at the store and my 8 year old was so excited to be spending his own money on Finding Dory. I told him that if he didn't have enough money, I would pay the difference and when we got home he could pay me back with tokens - for him 1 token = .25. He was so thankful when we got home and he didn't owe me anything!

Getting my kids motivated to do extra jobs around the house has also lifted some of the burden off of me, so not only are they learning how to pitch in, it frees me up to do more as well. Sure, I spend a lot of time handing out tokens, but for us, it's worth it. I've tried other things in the past, like charts with stickers, or check boxes, but those just haven't worked quite as well. I'm super glad that this has been working. Does anyone have a reward system that has worked well for your family?

You Gotta Be Crazy to....

Someone once said to me that their son didn't want to adopt from foster care because he "didn't want to adopt someone else's problem." My response to this terribly misinformed statement:

1. The kids are not the problem! They have been removed from their home because of something their parents did to them, or didn't do for them. Do they have challenges? Yes, but only because they are a child trying to process the things that have happened to them in their short life.

2. Children are not a "problem." This mentality is so prevelant in our society. Children are seen as a burden. An inconvenience to our lives. In fact, children are a blessing, and it is a privilege to raise them and teach them about life.

I am super excited, because just this week, I've had two friends tell me that their families are considering foster care! The more we get the word out, and the myths busted, more homes will be open to more kids!

This came in my e-mail this morning, so I thought I'd pass it on: