The Night God Told Me I Am Forgiven

A few weeks ago, I got angry. If you ask my kids if I ever yell, they smile and nod. It's not something I'm proud of. I confess that this is a weakness, and this particular day probably wouldn't stand out to my kids, but it stands out to me still.

God, in His infinite grace, is working on me tremendously in this area of my life. I have to tell you what happened the night after this particular day.

When my husband got home that afternoon, and we had a moment alone together, I was telling him how the day went, and how ashamed I was with the way that I lashed out in my anger at one of our kids. He listened kindly, with no judgement, just support.

Then that night, I woke up in the middle of the night. 3 a.m. and I was wide awake. I began to pray, "Lord, is there something you want me to talk to you about? I am so sorry for the way I handled that situation, and how I got angry. Please Lord, help me. Forgive me." I pleaded with God for his forgiveness.

Often, when I can't sleep, I'll begin to pray and I'll go to sleep without much trouble. I used to feel guilty about this, like I was horrible for falling asleep in the middle of a conversation with God, until someone said to me that it's like a child falling asleep in her father's arms. No good father is disappointed with that.

This night was different though. I didn't fall asleep as I prayed. I continued to lay there, awake, prompted to get up and read my Bible. I made a bunch of excuses. "Oh, then I'll have to turn the light on, and I'll wake up even more." "That means I have to get out of bed." (My priority at the time was my sleep.) "I'm reading in Zechariah. There's not going to be anything pertinent to my current situation in Zechariah." God nudged me long enough that I eventually got up, went to the bathroom where we keep a Bible for some light reading.

I opened to Zechariah chapter 3 and started reading. Here's what I read:

"Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. And the angel said to those who were standing before him, 'Remove the fithy garments from him.' And to him he said, 'Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will cloth you with pure vestments.'"

In that moment, God spoke loud and clear, "You are forgiven."

I went back to bed, and guess what? Sleep came.

The next morning, I went to my Bible on the counter that I typically read from, and the pages of Zechariah 3 were still stuck together like in a brand new Bible, which told me that I had not been reading there. Instead, I had been reading in Zephaniah. I am a firm believer in the sovereignty of God, and believe that even though some might say it was sleep deprived delerium that caused me to forget where I was in my Bible, that God Himself whispered, "Zechariah 3" in my ear so I would turn to the exact page He wanted me to read.

I know that God's word is the way He speaks to us, and I know that it is living and active, but to have a clear conversation with God in this way blew me away.

Praise God that He is REAL, and He SPEAKS to us!

Friends, let me encourage you with this. If you ever doubt that God is there, and listening, He IS. And secondly, if you are in Christ, you are FORGIVEN. Your filthy rags have been removed and replaced with pure, clean clothes.