Misplaced Identity

I just finished a book called, "Mistaken Identity" about two college students who were in a car accident. Whitney Cerak was pronounced dead at the scene and Laura Van Ryn was taken to a hospital in critical condition. It's a true story that made national news in 2006. What was remarkable about this story was that 5 weeks after the accident, they realized that they had mistaken the identities of these girls. For 5 weeks, they were calling the girl in the hospital Laura. When they discovered the mistake, Whitney's family recieved a very confusing phone call telling them that the daughter they thought was dead was actually alive.

I sometimes feel like I've misplaced my identity. My name is not Melissa anymore - it's mommy. As a mom, it seems like my world is so immersed in my children and my home that I've forgotten who I am. I realized several weeks ago that if someone were to ask me what I do for fun, I wouldn't know how to answer. What are my hobbies? What do I enjoy? With the encouragement of my husband I've been allowing myself time to re-discover some of the things I enjoy doing.

I acknowlege the fact that a large part of my identity is my kids, and I do really appreciate my role as mommy right now, but there is more to me than that. Deep down in there, Melissa is still there! 

Someday soon, I'll find my identity again, even while my kids are still young.

(A few days later)
While I listened to this morning's sermon, I reflected on this blog entry. My Pastor (who happens to be my husband!) was talking about adversity inside and outside of God's will. When we are outside of God's will, we may experience agony in our souls that tells us that something is just not right. When we are inside of God's will, we may still experience difficulties, but those times are different because when we know we are inside of God's will, we know that He will give us what we need to make it through the difficulties. Do we run from the troubles, or do we face them head on? It is in our suffering that we are drawn closer to God IF we respond correctly and run to Him. That is why we need to welcome hardships - they will draw us closer to the One we serve.

In light of this, I thought of my inner struggle with feeling like I have lost my identity to the role of "mommy." I know that my identity is first and foremost the fact that I am a child of God, and that has not changed. The role of mom has been added to my identity, and that is a great thing. That role is very demanding and time consuming and all too often I try to do it on my own without drawing closer to God in the midst of the difficulties. Trust me, when I do it without His guidance throughout the day, things do not go well. I don't think I am running from God, but I don't run to Him as often as I need.

So, yes I will rediscover some things that I enjoy doing, but I also need to accept the fact that this time in our family's life is demanding, and often exhausting, but oh so valuable as we shape our children and raise them in the love of Christ. And if I draw closer to God during this time, my relationship with Him will be stronger on the other side.

Maintanence Matters

Have you ever purchased the extra maintanence package with a new appliance or electronic toy?
Do you get regular oil changes in your car?
How often do you get a hair cut to keep your hair the style you like?
Do you clean your house on a regular basis to maintain some sense of order?
Does the dentist clean your teeth every once in a while and check for cavities?
How often to you go to the doctor to see what's wrong?

What do you do to maintain your marriage relationship? So often, we do things to maintain important things in our lives, but we neglect the one person who matters most; our spouse. It is a sad thing when a marriage is unhealthy, but I can assure you that it didn't happen overnight. Other things become more important to us, or we think that we're doing just fine, or we get so busy we don't have time to maintain our relationship, or, or, or..... The list could go on.

Mike and I just attended "Laugh Your way to a Better Marriage." A couple at church had seen these videos (laughyourway.com) and wanted to show them for 4 consecutive Friday nights at church. So, about 20 couples got together, watched the videos and discussed things afterward. We realized some things about each other that we never had and had some great conversations in the days that followed. It was a great "tune-up" for our marriage.

One thing we recently realized was that we need more frequent, intentional times together. I don't just mean being in the same house. (I think married couples become more like roommates sometimes) We decided that 2 times a week, we'll have date nights. This doesn't mean we go out somewhere every time, but rather, do something together after the kids go to bed.

Marriage is such a wonderful gift from God! I love being married to Mike who is a man of God. I could start listing all of the things I love about my husband, but let's make another list. In the comments section, write something that you and your spouse have done together that has been fun. That way we can give each other more ideas for things we can do to maintain our marriages and make them thrive.

And We're Off!

...to Slide, Iowa that is! Where is Slide, Iowa, you ask? That, my friend, is a very good question. For months now Tate has been talking about and asking to go to Slide, Iowa. For a while I got away with telling him it was too cold outside, and since we needed to walk there, his sisters couldn't go out in the cold (to which he always replied, "we'll just put on our mittens!).  A few weeks ago we went for a walk in the evening and Mike and I let him lead the way. He got to point which direction to turn at every intersection. Eventually we ended up back at home, which he said was Slide, Iowa. He seemed satisfied with that until this week when he wanted to go there again (it's apparently a pretty fun place).

So this morning he started packing his bags for Slide, Iowa. He wanted to pack his entire pajama drawer and his sleeping bag, because we were going to stay at the hotel there. When I convinced him he didn't need all of that, he packed 2 blankies in his kid-sized green backpack and off we went.

The goggles were also a requirement for the journey.

At first the route to Slide, Iowa was very similar to the one we took a few weeks back. He really likes hills, so any hill we saw, that's the way we went. Mind you, they are very gradual inclines, but when you are pushing 70 extra pounds (kids + stroller) and carrying 13 more in the baby bjorn it feels like you are climbing a mountain. As the walk got longer and longer, Mommy got tired-er and tired-er. I started hinting that maybe we should head down streets we hadn't been down yet....streets that headed toward home!

We ended up in a good friend's back yard to play for a while and then made it home again with two tired, hungry and dirty kids. When Daddy asked if we made it to Slide, Iowa, Tate responded, "No, they sold it!"

Wondering when our next adventure to Slide, Iowa will be!

I love the vivid imagination of my son and hope that I can foster his adventurous and curious spirit as he grows.