Mothering is NOT Mindless

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who recently made a major life change. She quit her full time job to be a stay-at-home mom and wife. She told me that she sometimes feels like her mind is going to go to waste because she's not using it staying at home, rocking her baby and doing housework. True, the tasks of motherhood and home-making can seem monotonous and mundane, but motherhood is far from mindless work.

As I've reflected on this over the past few weeks, I've realized how much mothers use their minds. We problem solve, manage our homes and families, use conflict management skills, and creativity.

When we see our children struggling with something, maybe it's reading, or friendships, or selfishness - you name it, we go into problem solving mode. How can we help our little one overcome this obstacle in his or her life? We might decide to be more intentional about making time to work on homework together. Maybe we need to work on building a certain character quality in our child, or invite another child over to play more often so we can help the two kids with their relationship. Once we think we have a problem solved, our children present us with another challenge! Mothering is not mindless.

I sat down today to make appointments. I needed to make an appointment for Tate's preschool screening, his 4 year old well child check-up, the girls' immunizations, and Anja's 9 month check-up. So, there I sat with my calendar making the appointments and got distracted by looking at the family schedule, planning meals for the upcoming week, figuring out what tasks need to be accomplished this week, and getting more ideas for Tate's preschool lessons. We mothers keep track of nap times, feeding times, who likes what foods, fixing supper, keeping the house in a livable condition (most of the time), keeping track of the location of everyone's possessions, etc., etc. Thankfully for me, I don't manage the bills (I'm horrible at that job), but I know that many mothers take time to pay the bills each week too. Mothering is not mindless.

If you're like me and have more than one child, you are utilizing your conflict management skills many times every day. I was amazed at how young sibling rivalry started, and I now understand why my mom got so upset when my sister and I fought. It is sometimes maddening to hear your children scream at each other and tattle on one another. I go back and forth between intervening and letting them work it out themselves. Helping a 4 year old see that the reason his 2 year old sister is screaming is because he continues to put his feet in her face is sometimes often futile. So, we mothers start to problem solve again. In the short-term, how can I stop this madness? In the long term, how can we help these children build a lasting friendship? I do believe that it is important for siblings to squabble, because it is at home that they too will eventually learn the art of conflict resolution, but it is a daunting task to help them build that skill! Mothering is not mindless.

And mothers have to be creative. I'm not talking about sewing dresses or making crafts. I am talking about out-smarting those little ones that we have been entrusted with. It's often not hard to see that they are trying to pull a fast one on us, but we need to be creative when we see it happening. At meal time, when they are suddenly full, but still have room for dessert. When they wake up in the morning with a mysterious illness and you have to decipher if it is really a stomache ache, or if it is the I-don't-feel-like-going-to-school-blues. Then there's the topic of discipline. The same consequence doesn't fit every crime, so we have to be creative. I've tried sending Tate to his room when he's done something mean to his sister to think about something nice he could do for her instead. He can't come out until he's thought of a legitimately nice thing. Not sure if this tactic works or not - I'll tell you in several years. Moms, the fruits of our labors aren't seen overnight. Mothering is not mindless.

I think its a sad fact that culture has now been feeding women a lie for years. The lie that says, "You are not doing anything worthwhile unless you are working outside the home." Maybe you've never heard those words exactly, but the message is subtly there. I'm not saying that every mother has to choose the path that I have and stay at home with their children, but I would encourage every woman to take a serious look at why they do what they do. Is it to find significance? Is it because you spent a lot of money on college and you don't want to see that time and money go to waste? Trust me, as a mother you do have significance (though you may not feel like it all of the time) and you are still using that college education; just in a different fashion. First and foremost, my significance comes from the fact that I am a child of God and live for King Jesus. We need to pass that truth on to our children whether we work outside the home, or are a stay at home mom. Remember moms, you are doing an important job that NOBODY else can do, and your job is more than monotonous and mundane. Mothering is NOT mindless.