Misplaced Identity

I just finished a book called, "Mistaken Identity" about two college students who were in a car accident. Whitney Cerak was pronounced dead at the scene and Laura Van Ryn was taken to a hospital in critical condition. It's a true story that made national news in 2006. What was remarkable about this story was that 5 weeks after the accident, they realized that they had mistaken the identities of these girls. For 5 weeks, they were calling the girl in the hospital Laura. When they discovered the mistake, Whitney's family recieved a very confusing phone call telling them that the daughter they thought was dead was actually alive.

I sometimes feel like I've misplaced my identity. My name is not Melissa anymore - it's mommy. As a mom, it seems like my world is so immersed in my children and my home that I've forgotten who I am. I realized several weeks ago that if someone were to ask me what I do for fun, I wouldn't know how to answer. What are my hobbies? What do I enjoy? With the encouragement of my husband I've been allowing myself time to re-discover some of the things I enjoy doing.

I acknowlege the fact that a large part of my identity is my kids, and I do really appreciate my role as mommy right now, but there is more to me than that. Deep down in there, Melissa is still there! 

Someday soon, I'll find my identity again, even while my kids are still young.

(A few days later)
While I listened to this morning's sermon, I reflected on this blog entry. My Pastor (who happens to be my husband!) was talking about adversity inside and outside of God's will. When we are outside of God's will, we may experience agony in our souls that tells us that something is just not right. When we are inside of God's will, we may still experience difficulties, but those times are different because when we know we are inside of God's will, we know that He will give us what we need to make it through the difficulties. Do we run from the troubles, or do we face them head on? It is in our suffering that we are drawn closer to God IF we respond correctly and run to Him. That is why we need to welcome hardships - they will draw us closer to the One we serve.

In light of this, I thought of my inner struggle with feeling like I have lost my identity to the role of "mommy." I know that my identity is first and foremost the fact that I am a child of God, and that has not changed. The role of mom has been added to my identity, and that is a great thing. That role is very demanding and time consuming and all too often I try to do it on my own without drawing closer to God in the midst of the difficulties. Trust me, when I do it without His guidance throughout the day, things do not go well. I don't think I am running from God, but I don't run to Him as often as I need.

So, yes I will rediscover some things that I enjoy doing, but I also need to accept the fact that this time in our family's life is demanding, and often exhausting, but oh so valuable as we shape our children and raise them in the love of Christ. And if I draw closer to God during this time, my relationship with Him will be stronger on the other side.