Husband Envy

Wives, have you ever looked at someone else's husband and thought, "I wish my husband would _______ like her husband does?" If you have done that, then you've suffered at some point from what I am calling "husband envy." Again, I noticed this tendency to compare ourselves with picture perfect comments on social media and wish our husbands would be, or do something that they currently are not. Don't get the wrong idea here; I am in no way condoning bashing our husbands so that others won't envy them! We need to always respect our husbands, especially in public. Then the task is to not envy other wives when they speak well of their husbands. How do we keep ourselves from doing that?

*Find the positive things about your husband. Your husband may not be perfect (he's not), but he has many endearing qualities about him. Have you ever noticed how when you focus on the negative, all you see are the bad things? The same thing applies here. If you focus on the positive, you are bound to start seeing more things that you like.

*Be a better wife. Maybe that's a harsh way of saying it, because even if we try harder, we'll never be perfect, but my point is this; scripture tells us not to judge someone for the speck of dust is their eye when you have a log in your own (Matthew 7:3). Jesus also told the Pharisees that whoever had no sin could throw the first stone at the adulteress (John 8:7).  So our husbands are not perfect, but neither are we. So before we can point out flaws in them, we need to work on our own lives first. Last week I read through Proverbs 31, and while I don't think I'll ever be that woman, I realized all the areas where I fall short and can improve. As a whole, the woman described there is a hard working wife. Do I work hard? Not always. She "rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." I'm sure she had to work a lot harder to provide food for her family than I do. Maybe she had to rise before the sun to grind the wheat and bake the bread. All I have to do is open up my drawer and pull out my pre-sliced bread from the grocery store.

*Spend time in Scripture. Apart from being a better wife, we need to spend time being refined by our Maker and become a better person. As I've realized my need to spend time in the Word, and done it, I've craved it more. A bonus was when my husband noticed that I'd been spending more time with my Bible open, he greatly appreciated it. Becoming closer to God can only bring you closer to your husband.

*Be genuinely happy for the wife with the awesome husband. This is a hard one, but if we are happy for the good in someone else's life, then it is impossible to be envious or jealous. The opposite is also true. If jealousy and envy rule our minds, then we'll never be genuinely happy for anyone else because we'll always want what they have.

*Encourage your husband. A few months ago, I was listening to a radio program about women who wish their husbands would spiritually lead their households. Nagging your husband to lead your family in devotions, or even join the family for church is not going to go very far. In fact, it might take you in the opposite direction. Instead, the speaker on this program advised wives to look for an area of strength in their husbands and build him up in that area. Saying something like, "I really appreciated it when you __________," will encourage him to do that specific thing more often, but it might also encourage him to step up in other areas that you never expected. Also keep in mind that it takes ten positive comments to undo one negative comment, so don't hold back. It might feel awkward at first, but a little encouragement will go a long way.

Did you notice that fixing the sickness of husband envy has little to do with changing him into the husband you wish he was and more to do with who you are and the way you see things? All of these things come with a caveat though. You can try really hard to do the right things and be a good wife for your husband, but if you are constantly trying to be good for your husband (or any other person for that matter), you'll always fall short. Seek a closer relationship with God and you will grow as a person and a wife.