The Problem with Minimalism

My husband and I are in the middle of watching "Minimalism" on Netflix (it takes us several nights to watch anything over an hour long....life with kids I guess). I like the idea. You have only what you need, and it clears your space, and your life of clutter. Because you have less stuff to maintain, then you naturally have more time to do what you enjoy, and spend time with people you love. Sounds great!

The part that intrigues me the most is minimizing the stress and chaos that too many possessions creates. I am a person who feels chaotic and crabby when my surroundings are cluttered and messy. I am much more calm when things are neat (don't get me wrong here....if you've read my recent posts about my home, you know that it is not neat most of the time).

But there is one critical thing that I long to tell the minimalists in the documentary.

Nothing will fulfill you like Christ will.

Throughout the documentary, many of the people say how they had this gaping hole inside of them, and they tried to fill it with stuff, stuff and more stuff. That, they argue, is an American problem. I have no doubt that it is. To solve this problem in their lives, they got rid of most of their possessions in order to free themselves to do what they want to do. This sounds great, and maybe it works for a time.

But, aren't they really just replacing one god (stuff) for another god (minimalism)? Sure, they are "happy" now, but won't that happiness wear off eventually too, and then they need to search for the next strategy to bring them happiness once again?

Jesus said these words in John 15:9-11, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments , you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

Perhaps you've watched this documentary too, and have implemented some of the habits that it promotes. Great! I may try to eliminate some of the things that clutter my home, but with the mindset that this minimalism thing is not what is going to fulfill me.

Only Christ can do that.

Faith and Feelings

I've been following a Facebook discussion this past week that has been entertaining at best, but mostly unsettling. It has to do with a pastor who creates amazing and (literally) unbelievable experiences for his church. This online conversation has been heated, and intense at times as everyone involved is very passionate about the "side" that they are on.

This church is drawing many people, and the argument is that if his methods are working, then why question it? If he is bringing people to Jesus, then what's wrong? Why the controversy?

One of the big issues I see with this particular pastor's methods is that is plays on the emotions of the people. It gives them such an incredible experience, that surely it must be God doing these things. I'm sure that for those there, who believe in the charades, it is an amazing experience.

But the problem is that faith is not about feelings. It is not based on experience.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

We do not need extravegant experiences in order for faith to be real. This method of drawing people to faith is dangerous, because is bases faith on emotions. What happens if the feelings fade, and the experiences don't happen very frequently? (On a side note, these same questions can be asked of our marriages. We see often in our culture what happens to couples who don't "feel" anything for each other anymore.)

I'll tell you what can happen. It can cause a person to question their faith, and even the existance of God. But the truth is, God still exists, and is still as active as ever even when we don't "feel" his presence, or experience magnificent emotional highs.

This is particularly dangerous with today's emerging adults and teenagers, because they base so much of their reality on experience. If these worship experiences are being presented as reality, and that's what they base their faith on, then their faith is bound to falter at one point or another.

I had a conversation recently with a young woman who said that she was questioning her faith because she had never really felt God in her life. This is precisely the danger that I'm talking about.

We cannot base our faith on our feelings, because "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

Will we have great experiences with God? Of course. He is God, and He is awesome by nature, so we will experience great things with Him, but we will also experience difficulties, and periods in life when we "feel" distant from God. If we ground our faith in the scripture, and who God says He is, and not on our human emotions, then during these times of hardship our faith will not falter.

God is always God. No matter what.

Motivating my Kids to Get Involved

Several months back, my kids received an iPad as a gift. They didn't know this, and I kept it hidden in my sock drawer for a few months while I tried to figure the thing out (I'm not techy), and develop a plan for it's use. I didn't want them to just have unlimited access to the iPad. I wanted them to work for it.

Then, I started "the system." If you've been following along for the past couple of months, you'll know that I have started using 3x5 notecards to keep track of my household chores. It has transformed my life (I'm almost not exaggerating). One thing that I did when I was setting up my cards was that I assigned a value to the jobs that I thought were appropriate for the kids to do. When they do the job on that card, they earn tokens. When they earn enough tokens, they can cash them in for time on the iPad. 1 token = 5 minutes.


This is a win/win in my book!

Some things I've appreciated since starting the tokens for rewards:

1. The iPad is a great motivator. They love to play games on there, so if they don't have very many tokens in their cup, they can do a job to earn more time. I'm happy because the bathroom floors get swept, and they're happy because they get more time on the iPad!

2. I love that my kids are learning how to maintain a house. For instance, my kids never realized how often I have to sweep the floor in order to keep it crumb-free. On a good day I sweep at least twice a day. With these little people eating 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, it could probably be swept more often, but that's just not realistic.

3. When we first started the tokens, I didn't do it with our youngest, who is three. I didn't think he'd get the concept of earning the tokens and cashing them in, but last week I decided I'd give it a shot. I had been listening to a webinar about discipline while maintaining attachment, and much of it was focused on behavior prevention instead of intervention. The speaker strongly recommended a reward system, so I thought I'd try with him. Oh my goodness. It is great! I can say, "Great job for putting those toys away! Now I'm going to give you a token!" Or, "Thank you so much for playing nicely with your sister! You earned a token!" One time, he even ran over to his siblings, and exclaimed, "Look guys! I earned tokens!" For him, 75% of the reward is getting the token in his fingers and putting it in the cup.


4. I have also used this reward system in the opposite direction. I might say to my oldest, "You have a bad attitude right now about your school work and if that doesn't change I'm going to have to take a few tokens away." It (usually) works.

5. Today we were at the store and my 8 year old was so excited to be spending his own money on Finding Dory. I told him that if he didn't have enough money, I would pay the difference and when we got home he could pay me back with tokens - for him 1 token = .25. He was so thankful when we got home and he didn't owe me anything!

Getting my kids motivated to do extra jobs around the house has also lifted some of the burden off of me, so not only are they learning how to pitch in, it frees me up to do more as well. Sure, I spend a lot of time handing out tokens, but for us, it's worth it. I've tried other things in the past, like charts with stickers, or check boxes, but those just haven't worked quite as well. I'm super glad that this has been working. Does anyone have a reward system that has worked well for your family?

You Gotta Be Crazy to....

Someone once said to me that their son didn't want to adopt from foster care because he "didn't want to adopt someone else's problem." My response to this terribly misinformed statement:

1. The kids are not the problem! They have been removed from their home because of something their parents did to them, or didn't do for them. Do they have challenges? Yes, but only because they are a child trying to process the things that have happened to them in their short life.

2. Children are not a "problem." This mentality is so prevelant in our society. Children are seen as a burden. An inconvenience to our lives. In fact, children are a blessing, and it is a privilege to raise them and teach them about life.

I am super excited, because just this week, I've had two friends tell me that their families are considering foster care! The more we get the word out, and the myths busted, more homes will be open to more kids!

This came in my e-mail this morning, so I thought I'd pass it on:

Give Yourself A Break!

The other day I realized that my overall attitude about my household work has been much better. My everyday tasks are less of a burden, and I haven't been complaining about them nearly as often as I have in the past. When I mentioned this to my husband, he said that he had been noticing the same thing! It wasn't all in my head!

I think that this is due to many factors, but I'm convinced that a HUGE reason is because I have been giving myself "days off." This is something that Sidetracked Home Executives (and the Bible) says is very important.

I've been giving myself Sundays and Thursdays off. This doesn't mean that I don't do the essentials like feed my family, but I don't have to do any extra jobs on those days. In the past, my husband encouraged me to do this, but I always whined and ranted that there was no possible way I could take a day off, because if I take a day off, then on Monday I have extra to do, because no one has washed the dishes, or picked up, and I start the day already behind.

I don't feel like this anymore. I'm pretty sure that since I've been taking days off, I am more productive on the other days. For instance, the other day was my daughter's birthday, so I made a bigger breakfast than normal, baked and decorated a birthday cake, wrapped presents,  AND cleaned my entire fridge, washed the inside of all of the windows, washed all my dishes, homeschooled my children and cleared everything that had accumulated on my countertops throughout the day, among other miscellaneous tasks. I felt like Superwoman!

Then yesterday, when my mom called to see if I could meet her and my sister for lunch, I felt free to say yes, because it was my day off and I knew that the jobs would get done the next day.

There's a reason God made the Sabbath for us. He knows that we need rest, and He supplies us with the strength we need to "catch up" on the other days of the week.

If you're feeling weary, give yourself a break!

Misguided Organization

One of my favorite words in the english language is "organized." I am always searching for new ways to get organized. My love of organization started early, but was a little misguided. Remember, I am not someone who was born organized, but I wish I was.

I am about to share a story that I'm sure will be passed down for generations to come in my family, as one of life's lessons. It's one that I'm not proud to share, but it illustrates the challenges with my desire to be organized.

When I was about 13, in an attempt to organize my dresser, I decided to sort my top drawer using paper bags. My underwear in one paper bag, labeled with a sharpie marker, my socks in another bag, labeled of course, and so on; with everything that might be in the top drawer of a teenaged girl's dresser.

One afternoon, my older sister walked into my bedroom, and like older sisters do, asked me with brutal honesty, "Melissa, why does your room smell so bad?" Apparently I had been in there so long that I couldn't smell it.

We searched for the source of the stench, and finally determined that it was coming from the top dresser drawer.

Who knows how many months prior, my mom had sent me upstairs to clean my room. There was a bunch of junk on the top of my dresser, and out of pure laziness, I opened my top drawer and dumped it in. Unbeknownst to me, one of the items that I swept into my top drawer was a sack lunch that I had apparently not eaten at school. If my memory serves me right, there was a ham sandwich on white bread (it wasn't white upon discovery) and a rock hard Little Debbie Oatmeal Sandwich (which I could not stomach many years later).

The theory is that since my top drawer was "organized" with brown paper bags, I didn't notice that there was an unmarked imposter lurking where it wasn't supposed to be.

The clothes that were in the entire dresser needed to be washed and the drawers themselved had to be aired out for days outside in order to free them of the smell, and I couldn't even sleep in my room that night because of the odor that had been unleashed. (I still can't figure out how a middle schooler could walk around school with clothes that most likely smelled rotten and not have at least one person comment.)

This, my friends, was my attempt at organization that completely backfired.

Moral of the story: Never organize your underwear drawer with paper bags.

Now you know. You're welcome.

I've Replaced My "To-Do" Lists

I gave up on lists a few years ago. Now, this was no small thing for me, because I love lists. They help me remember things. And I love to check something off....I used to even add something to the list that I had done just so I could check it off. It gave me a sense of accomplishment.

Then I realized something. I was being held captive by my lists. I would look at all the things I DIDN'T do at the end of the day and feel like a failure. Then, I would move all those undone things to the next day's list, just making that day's list of tasks insurmountable. And the cycle would start all over again.

So for several years now, I haven't had any accountability for things that needed to be done around the house, and it was (kind of) freeing, but I also know that I wasn't getting things done that needed to be done. I think I needed the break because I was obviously too tied down by my lists. At the same time though, my house has been a mess, and I was crabby about it.

If you read this post, you know that I needed something to help get me back on track. Not back to lists though.

This is the "notecard system" that has truly helped me. One main reason I like it better than lists is because it frees me from the overwhelming pile-up of lists. Here's how:

To set up your notecards, you put one job on one card. You then file it under the days of the month. You might have some jobs that you do daily, some weekly, monthly, seasonaly, etc. (as often as it needs to be done). When you do the job, you put it in the file box on the next day that it needs to be done. For example, if today is the 11th of the month, and I do a weekly job, I refile the card under the 18th. BUT if I didn't do the job, I write "skipped" on the bottom of the notecard, and file it on the 18th. I don't file it in tomorrow. I'm free. All I have to do tomorrow are the jobs that are filed under tomorrow's date. (The catch is that come the 18th of the month, I HAVE to do that skipped job.)

Believe it or not, I kind of have to give myself a little pep-talk to let myself file it a week later. I feel like it should go in the next day's pile, probably because my brain is so used to how I have always done lists.

In reality, before I was doing this system, the floors weren't being washed on a regular basis, so if I skip it now and do it one week later, I'm already ahead of what I was doing before. A win win. My house is cleaner, and I'm not held captive by my tasks.

I haven't perfected it. My house will probably never be perfect, but I am making great progress!