The Night God Told Me I Am Forgiven

A few weeks ago, I got angry. If you ask my kids if I ever yell, they smile and nod. It's not something I'm proud of. I confess that this is a weakness, and this particular day probably wouldn't stand out to my kids, but it stands out to me still.

God, in His infinite grace, is working on me tremendously in this area of my life. I have to tell you what happened the night after this particular day.

When my husband got home that afternoon, and we had a moment alone together, I was telling him how the day went, and how ashamed I was with the way that I lashed out in my anger at one of our kids. He listened kindly, with no judgement, just support.

Then that night, I woke up in the middle of the night. 3 a.m. and I was wide awake. I began to pray, "Lord, is there something you want me to talk to you about? I am so sorry for the way I handled that situation, and how I got angry. Please Lord, help me. Forgive me." I pleaded with God for his forgiveness.

Often, when I can't sleep, I'll begin to pray and I'll go to sleep without much trouble. I used to feel guilty about this, like I was horrible for falling asleep in the middle of a conversation with God, until someone said to me that it's like a child falling asleep in her father's arms. No good father is disappointed with that.

This night was different though. I didn't fall asleep as I prayed. I continued to lay there, awake, prompted to get up and read my Bible. I made a bunch of excuses. "Oh, then I'll have to turn the light on, and I'll wake up even more." "That means I have to get out of bed." (My priority at the time was my sleep.) "I'm reading in Zechariah. There's not going to be anything pertinent to my current situation in Zechariah." God nudged me long enough that I eventually got up, went to the bathroom where we keep a Bible for some light reading.

I opened to Zechariah chapter 3 and started reading. Here's what I read:

"Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. And the angel said to those who were standing before him, 'Remove the fithy garments from him.' And to him he said, 'Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will cloth you with pure vestments.'"

In that moment, God spoke loud and clear, "You are forgiven."

I went back to bed, and guess what? Sleep came.

The next morning, I went to my Bible on the counter that I typically read from, and the pages of Zechariah 3 were still stuck together like in a brand new Bible, which told me that I had not been reading there. Instead, I had been reading in Zephaniah. I am a firm believer in the sovereignty of God, and believe that even though some might say it was sleep deprived delerium that caused me to forget where I was in my Bible, that God Himself whispered, "Zechariah 3" in my ear so I would turn to the exact page He wanted me to read.

I know that God's word is the way He speaks to us, and I know that it is living and active, but to have a clear conversation with God in this way blew me away.

Praise God that He is REAL, and He SPEAKS to us!

Friends, let me encourage you with this. If you ever doubt that God is there, and listening, He IS. And secondly, if you are in Christ, you are FORGIVEN. Your filthy rags have been removed and replaced with pure, clean clothes.

Life According to The Gilmore Girls

I know I'm late to the party, but I am nearly finished watching the Gilmore Girls for the first time. Lorelai and Rory have helped me through washing many dishes, and folding a lot of clothes, and I am forever grateful for their assistance in some of my most loathed household chores.

I often like to watch popular shows like this one with this question in mind: "How has this show had an impact on the views of our culture?" The Gilmore Girls have given me a lot of material to ponder, but it also begs the question of the chicken or the egg? Did shows like this one shape and mold popular thinking, or did popular thinking shape the content of these shows?

Here are some observations of life according to the Gilmore Girls:

1. The mother/child relationship can be a friendship. While I believe that eventually, a mother daughter relationship can develop into a friendship, I do not agree that being your child's friend their entire life will help raise a responsible, respectful adult. Mothers are there for teaching and loving, but if they are seen as their child's equal, the child will not learn to respect authority. Sometimes being disliked for your decision is the loving thing to do. Thankfully, in Rory's case, she turned out to be a responsible adult, but this is scripted life; real life doesn't usually work the way it does on TV.

2. Flitting from man to man is perfectly normal and doesn't hurt as long as that next person makes you happier than the one before. I mean, I can't even keep track of all the men Lorelai has been with since the start of the show, let alone being engaged to two of them (three if you count the plan she had with Christopher until he found out his girlfriend was pregnant). It portrays sex as casual, and relationships and people as disposable. Lorelai did show some wisdom when she wanted to move slowly in her current relationship to make sure Chris was going to stay around this time. That only lasted about 2 hours though, and by the time he dropped her off at home, and kissed her passionately on the front porch, her resolve quickly melted away and she gave in to the emotions, inviting him in to spend the night (among other implied activities). Relationships are made to make us holy and more like Christ. Whether it is a romantic relationship, or a friendship, our happiness is not God's main purpose; holiness is.

3. Intimacy = sex. In an episode that I recently watched, Rory is talking to Lane about her boyfriend who has recently left for London on a year long work assignment. She's saying how much she misses him, and how much she's realized that sex, and the physical stuff is so important in a relationship. It sounds all nice and fluffy, but I want to tell Rory (and any other person who thinks like she does), "Honey, if your relationship is lacking without sex, then your relationship is empty." True intimacy is depth of relationship. It's that person knowing who you are more than any other person (apart from God of course). It is spiritual depth; praying together, sharing with one another what God is doing in your life, reading God's word together. It's sharing in difficulties, supporting each other, and rejoicing in happy times. And in marriage, when there is true intimacy, sexual intimacy is even better. Don't be fooled into thinking that a relationship isn't meaningful if sex isn't involved.

4. Babies suck. When Lane and her new husband found out they were expecting a baby right after they came home from their honeymoon, they had a heart-to-heart that ended in their agreeing that "this baby sucks!" Yes, unplanned pregnancies are surprising, shocking, and often unsettling, but that does not mean that the baby sucks. No matter how or when a baby is conceived, in our timing, or not, they are always a miracle and never suck. I fear that this is a pervasive attitude in our culture. If a baby interferes with our plans and expectations, then it must be bad. However, contrary to popular believe, life is not about us. Now, I'm curious to find out how this plays out througout the season, because this is just a new development (please don't spoil it for me), but I'm really hoping that once they see and hold that baby, their attitudes will be completely different.

And on a lighter note:

5. Pedestrians can walk at any speed in the middle of the road any time they want. Okay, that probably hasn't had an impact on culture, but it always strikes me as funny when the residents of Stars Hollow just meander through the streets as though they are just an extension of the sidewalk.

6. A person can consume crazy amounts of food, not exercise and remain an "acceptable" size two. Seriously, if a normal person ate the way Lorelai and Rory do, they would probably be morbidly obese.

Pictures Lie

Many years ago, before the internet was in everyone's homes (and purses or pockets), my aunt and uncle bought a house. They lived in South Dakota, and they bought a house in Florida sight unseen, except for the pictures that were shown to them by the realtor. It looked like a nice house, so they recruited some family, packed up their cars and trucks and caravanned down to Florida.

My parents went along to help them move into their new house. When they arrived, they discovered that the pictures were not totally accurate. They didn't show the bugs jumping from the carpet, or the dirt so thick on the floors that when clean, they discovered a completely different color underneath.

From this trip, my family adopted a saying that has been quoted over and over again.

"Pictures lie." 

The same is true today. Only now, we sell more than just houses. We are selling ourselves. Just like the pictures of the house in Florida, we try to only portray the good in our lives while creatively hiding the ugly side. It's all over social media. People and their "perfect" lives. Or so it seems.

Am I saying I think we should go around airing our dirty laundry all over the internet? Of course not, but we do need to think before we post.

Here are a few examples of how pictures lie:

A couple years ago at Easter time I made this fun project with the kids where you grow grass on a hill with a tomb in the side of the hill. On Good Friday, we talked about Jesus dying on the cross, and being buried and then when they woke up on Easter morning, the tomb was empty! We had used Legos for Jesus and the soldiers guarding the entrance. So, naturally I took a picture of the kids as they got their first glimpse of it that morning. Looks great, right? Truth is, if my memory serves me right, my patience was thin this Easter morning. I snapped at my kids more than necessary. And, if you could see the picture that was taken before this one, you would know that one of my children wasn't wearing pants.

We had a short warm-up here in Minnesota a couple of weeks ago that warranted some time outside and even a walk down the street. I love this picture, because I love this boy. He's so much fun, but truth is he didn't hold my hand for long. In fact, it is sometimes a struggle to get him to hold my hand at all while we walk through the parking lot, or to cross the street. I will ask him, "Do you want to hold my hand, or have mommy carry you?" If chooses neither, I usually end up carrying a screaming child who just wants independence that he's not quite ready to have.

 Anja and I were having a special day together. We had dropped off the other three kids at a friend's house, and we went to get her five year old pictures taken. Someone might assume that we get time together like this all the time, but truth is one on one time is rare with several children. We get it on occasion, and when it happens it really is special.

This picture reminds me of a great summer that we had as a family. And isn't this just the quaintest (is that a word) picture of a Minnesota cabin day? A dad fishing with his kids. A perfect picture to put on Facebook. Truth is, I'm sure this moment when they were all sitting still in their chairs lasted about as long as it took me to snap the picture. Then Anja was probably up and digging through the worms, or getting too close to the edge of the dock to which the oldest child would nervously yell for her to back up or she might fall in.

This picture was taken from the top of the hill near our camping cabin in Custer State Park. We hiked up to take in the view. The sights in this park truly were magnificent, but truth is, this was the last leg of a fun, but difficult week in Denver. My husband had been gone for three weeks at training, and then came home for a week only to need to travel to Denver for another week of training, so we decided to tag along. Packed in a hotel room with a child who has night terrors when life is out of the ordinary, and one who misses home after two days away, with daddy gone all day long, and no naps except short ones in the car. Let's just say that by the time this picture was taken, we were all ready to go home. In fact, we had planned on staying for four nights, and we cut it short and only stayed one.

So many times, a simple picture can communicate more than we even realize. The person seeing it on whatever social media site you use often sees more than just what the picture shows. Some of it might be true, and some of it, I'm guessing, is completely off base.

Unfortunately I think people take advantage of this. We use social media to make ourselves look good; to show off our picture perfect lives, when in reality none of our lives are picture perfect. We all struggle with real things. And social media often feeds so much discontent. We don't think other people have the same struggles we have. Afterall, look at all of their pictures on Facebook!

I am not saying that we are responsible for how others read meaning into posts we put out there, but we are responsible for the motive behind our posts.

Here are some questions that might be helpful to think about before posting a picture:
Will this post bring glory to God, or glory to Me?
Why am I putting this on (fill in the blank)?
Is it to build myself up?
Is this going to encourage someone, or breed discontentment?
Am I trying to get attention from a certain person/people? If so, why?

If we took an honest look at why we post what we post, we may realize that it is more self-focused than God-honoring. So, before you post a picture, ask these questions, because sometimes pictures lie.

The Problem with Minimalism

My husband and I are in the middle of watching "Minimalism" on Netflix (it takes us several nights to watch anything over an hour long....life with kids I guess). I like the idea. You have only what you need, and it clears your space, and your life of clutter. Because you have less stuff to maintain, then you naturally have more time to do what you enjoy, and spend time with people you love. Sounds great!

The part that intrigues me the most is minimizing the stress and chaos that too many possessions creates. I am a person who feels chaotic and crabby when my surroundings are cluttered and messy. I am much more calm when things are neat (don't get me wrong here....if you've read my recent posts about my home, you know that it is not neat most of the time).

But there is one critical thing that I long to tell the minimalists in the documentary.

Nothing will fulfill you like Christ will.

Throughout the documentary, many of the people say how they had this gaping hole inside of them, and they tried to fill it with stuff, stuff and more stuff. That, they argue, is an American problem. I have no doubt that it is. To solve this problem in their lives, they got rid of most of their possessions in order to free themselves to do what they want to do. This sounds great, and maybe it works for a time.

But, aren't they really just replacing one god (stuff) for another god (minimalism)? Sure, they are "happy" now, but won't that happiness wear off eventually too, and then they need to search for the next strategy to bring them happiness once again?

Jesus said these words in John 15:9-11, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments , you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

Perhaps you've watched this documentary too, and have implemented some of the habits that it promotes. Great! I may try to eliminate some of the things that clutter my home, but with the mindset that this minimalism thing is not what is going to fulfill me.

Only Christ can do that.

Faith and Feelings

I've been following a Facebook discussion this past week that has been entertaining at best, but mostly unsettling. It has to do with a pastor who creates amazing and (literally) unbelievable experiences for his church. This online conversation has been heated, and intense at times as everyone involved is very passionate about the "side" that they are on.

This church is drawing many people, and the argument is that if his methods are working, then why question it? If he is bringing people to Jesus, then what's wrong? Why the controversy?

One of the big issues I see with this particular pastor's methods is that is plays on the emotions of the people. It gives them such an incredible experience, that surely it must be God doing these things. I'm sure that for those there, who believe in the charades, it is an amazing experience.

But the problem is that faith is not about feelings. It is not based on experience.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

We do not need extravegant experiences in order for faith to be real. This method of drawing people to faith is dangerous, because is bases faith on emotions. What happens if the feelings fade, and the experiences don't happen very frequently? (On a side note, these same questions can be asked of our marriages. We see often in our culture what happens to couples who don't "feel" anything for each other anymore.)

I'll tell you what can happen. It can cause a person to question their faith, and even the existance of God. But the truth is, God still exists, and is still as active as ever even when we don't "feel" his presence, or experience magnificent emotional highs.

This is particularly dangerous with today's emerging adults and teenagers, because they base so much of their reality on experience. If these worship experiences are being presented as reality, and that's what they base their faith on, then their faith is bound to falter at one point or another.

I had a conversation recently with a young woman who said that she was questioning her faith because she had never really felt God in her life. This is precisely the danger that I'm talking about.

We cannot base our faith on our feelings, because "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

Will we have great experiences with God? Of course. He is God, and He is awesome by nature, so we will experience great things with Him, but we will also experience difficulties, and periods in life when we "feel" distant from God. If we ground our faith in the scripture, and who God says He is, and not on our human emotions, then during these times of hardship our faith will not falter.

God is always God. No matter what.

Motivating my Kids to Get Involved

Several months back, my kids received an iPad as a gift. They didn't know this, and I kept it hidden in my sock drawer for a few months while I tried to figure the thing out (I'm not techy), and develop a plan for it's use. I didn't want them to just have unlimited access to the iPad. I wanted them to work for it.

Then, I started "the system." If you've been following along for the past couple of months, you'll know that I have started using 3x5 notecards to keep track of my household chores. It has transformed my life (I'm almost not exaggerating). One thing that I did when I was setting up my cards was that I assigned a value to the jobs that I thought were appropriate for the kids to do. When they do the job on that card, they earn tokens. When they earn enough tokens, they can cash them in for time on the iPad. 1 token = 5 minutes.


This is a win/win in my book!

Some things I've appreciated since starting the tokens for rewards:

1. The iPad is a great motivator. They love to play games on there, so if they don't have very many tokens in their cup, they can do a job to earn more time. I'm happy because the bathroom floors get swept, and they're happy because they get more time on the iPad!

2. I love that my kids are learning how to maintain a house. For instance, my kids never realized how often I have to sweep the floor in order to keep it crumb-free. On a good day I sweep at least twice a day. With these little people eating 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, it could probably be swept more often, but that's just not realistic.

3. When we first started the tokens, I didn't do it with our youngest, who is three. I didn't think he'd get the concept of earning the tokens and cashing them in, but last week I decided I'd give it a shot. I had been listening to a webinar about discipline while maintaining attachment, and much of it was focused on behavior prevention instead of intervention. The speaker strongly recommended a reward system, so I thought I'd try with him. Oh my goodness. It is great! I can say, "Great job for putting those toys away! Now I'm going to give you a token!" Or, "Thank you so much for playing nicely with your sister! You earned a token!" One time, he even ran over to his siblings, and exclaimed, "Look guys! I earned tokens!" For him, 75% of the reward is getting the token in his fingers and putting it in the cup.


4. I have also used this reward system in the opposite direction. I might say to my oldest, "You have a bad attitude right now about your school work and if that doesn't change I'm going to have to take a few tokens away." It (usually) works.

5. Today we were at the store and my 8 year old was so excited to be spending his own money on Finding Dory. I told him that if he didn't have enough money, I would pay the difference and when we got home he could pay me back with tokens - for him 1 token = .25. He was so thankful when we got home and he didn't owe me anything!

Getting my kids motivated to do extra jobs around the house has also lifted some of the burden off of me, so not only are they learning how to pitch in, it frees me up to do more as well. Sure, I spend a lot of time handing out tokens, but for us, it's worth it. I've tried other things in the past, like charts with stickers, or check boxes, but those just haven't worked quite as well. I'm super glad that this has been working. Does anyone have a reward system that has worked well for your family?

You Gotta Be Crazy to....

Someone once said to me that their son didn't want to adopt from foster care because he "didn't want to adopt someone else's problem." My response to this terribly misinformed statement:

1. The kids are not the problem! They have been removed from their home because of something their parents did to them, or didn't do for them. Do they have challenges? Yes, but only because they are a child trying to process the things that have happened to them in their short life.

2. Children are not a "problem." This mentality is so prevelant in our society. Children are seen as a burden. An inconvenience to our lives. In fact, children are a blessing, and it is a privilege to raise them and teach them about life.

I am super excited, because just this week, I've had two friends tell me that their families are considering foster care! The more we get the word out, and the myths busted, more homes will be open to more kids!

This came in my e-mail this morning, so I thought I'd pass it on: