Time to Slow Down - Part 3

When we moved to Mora a year and a half ago, we were thanking God for an answer to prayer. He didn't just give us a great church to serve in, but He allowed us to live in a small town. A few years before, we had realized that we wanted to raise our family in a small town in hopes of a slower pace of life. Of course, you can be just as busy here as anywhere else, but I think the pressure of "keeping up with the Jones" is not as great. 

We've been living in a house a couple of doors down from the church, so we were right in town and it was a very handy commute for Mike, but we knew that some day we wanted to move a little ways out of town and live in the country. In May, we caught a glimpse of this house on 5 acres, 4.5 miles from town:

When we looked at it with the realtor the first time, Mike and I kept giving each other looks when the realtor wasn't watching that said, "Oh my goodness!!!" We thought it looked like a great place to slow the pace of life a little more, and raise our kids. Mike has always liked log homes and I have always said they make great cabins, but I wouldn't want to live in one. Then I got to thinking, why not feel like you are going on a vacation in the north woods every time you go home?!?

We put an offer on the house at the end of May, but didn't find out that we had officially gotten it until the day we were driving down to Apple Valley at the beginning of our 2 weeks away. We had been asked if we would want to rent it until we were able to close, so we decided that July 7th sounded like a great day to move in...the day after we got home from being gone for 2 weeks. Perfect timing, right?

Some very generous women from church offered to pack up our kitchen while we were gone and I hesitantly accepted their offer, so when we got home, everything in our kitchen was in boxes. It was a beautiful sight! Mike and I dropped the older 2 kids off at a friend's house to play/nap on that Friday afternoon that we got back in town and we packed up as much as we could in a very short amount of time. I had honestly not packed anything before we left, so there was a lot to do! Call me a procrastinator, but for so long we weren't sure if we were actually moving that I didn't want to pack anything yet.

A group of guys showed up at the house starting at about 10:00 on Saturday morning to help us move the furniture and whatever Mike and I had managed to pack up the night before. We were so thankful for the help that came to donate their time and muscles, and those who came to lend a hand with the kids and help with lunch.

For two weeks now we've been unpacking and organizing. I actually enjoy this part of moving. I like to figure out where everything is going to go and coming up with new ways to organize things. What I don't like to unpack are those miscellaneous boxes that you throw together at the last minute. They are filled with things that didn't have a place to go at your old house, so chances are that it will be hard to find a place for them at your new house. I have a box like that sitting in the kitchen right now, and I really am not looking forward to unpacking it.

So, where does this whole slowing down thing fit into the picture? These few weeks of travelling and moving weren't exactly slow, and honestly I've been pretty busy unpacking in between other daily chores (not to mention that this blog post has been a several day process - 20 minutes here, 5 minutes there). We're on a journey to slow down our lives so we can enjoy life as God allows us. If we fill our lives with activities, the only thing that's full is our calendar. It is our desire to fill our lives with God and enjoy the goodness of the things He has surrounded us with. Every once in a while I think that maybe I should sign my kids up for this or that activity, but then I am reminded that my time with them is invaluable and I want to instill in them Godly values and character more than anything else. Not that outside activities won't build character in them, but more and more activities won't equal more character either. I'll climb off my soapbox now.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10 that says, "Be still and know that I am God." I need to be still more often. I have already enjoyed several mornings and evenings sitting on our deck and looking out at the beauty around me. I've also loved going in the back yard to the raspberry bushes almost daily for a snack, or to collect some berries for a meal. I am thankful for those moments of stillness. I have a feeling I'm going to like our log house in the woods!

Time to Slow Down - Part 2

The day after Mike got home from DC, he drove home to be at church on Sunday. The kids and I stayed at my parents' house so we could chop off an hour and a half off our drive to Chicago the next day. We left for Chicago on July 2nd, which was the first time we've made the trip with 3 kiddos in tow. We have a history of not-so-great car rides...lots of screaming and crying (first from the kids and eventually from mom and dad). Needless to say, we were a little curious to see how this trip would go.

I used to be staunchly opposed to the car DVD player. Then I had kids. I will admit that there have been trips to Chicago when a DVD has been playing virtually the entire time. It was worth the sanity that it saved.  I decided to be proactive this time, so I planned ahead and made some activities for the kids to do in the car. I wrapped each one up and put them in a "surprise bag" so every so often during the trip, the kids could open them up and (in theory) play with that activity until it was time for the next one.

A couple of the most popular ones were:
  *The Rice Shaker - I took a clean peanut butter jar and filled it with rice and small things like a button, pin, lego guy, sea shell, toy lizard, etc. for the kids to find. Then I superglued the lid on to prevent a major disaster! This was fun for both kids, even just to shake for the noise.
  *4 yogurt cups that I stole from my mom. Norah stacked, restacked and stacked again for about 30 minutes straight.
  *Beanie Babies that I found in a box of old stuff in the basement.

A couple of things that I was excited about, but didn't go over as well as I thought they would:
  *A road atlas and star stickers. The intention was that we'd put stickers on the map as we passed through certain cities. We put stickers on a couple of cities, but Tate got tired of it quickly, and Norah apparently visited towns in northern WI that the rest of us missed. :)
  *Homemade Lace-ups - I took foam sheets, cut them into shapes and then punched holes in them so Tate could lace them with shoelaces. This turned out okay, but caused more arguing over the shoelaces. Overall, I think Tate played with these for 15 minutes.

Partway into the trip, Tate was complaining that his tummy hurt. Since he had been awake since like 5:15 that morning, I told him he probably just needed to take a nap. He's never been much of a car sleeper, so it was a long shot, but worth a try, right? Well, I learned that he really did have a tummy ache when he launched his cookies all over the back seat. Thankfully we were stopped at a gas station when it happened. My loving husband cleaned up the mess inside the car while I took the kids in for lunch at the attached Wendy's. After being on the road about 30 minutes after lunch (of which Tate ate very little), Tate said that he had to go to the bathroom, so we pulled off at the next exit and I rushed into the bathroom with him....just a little too late. We made it back out to the car minus one undergarment. The poor boy obviously wasn't feeling well.


The trip improved dramatically when we arrived at Grandma and Grandpa's house! Everyone was happy to be there. We were excited to be able to meet our new nephew Caleb, who was born 25 days before Anja. It's going to be so fun to watch these two grow up!



Caleb - Born on 1/5/12 and Anja - Born on 1/30/12



The bigger kids had fun in the pool and sprinkler.

 We spent the 4th of July with extended family. In the morning Mike had a chance to visit his Grandpa at his nursing home. In the afternoon we headed to his Aunt and Uncle's house. Tate had a BLAST with his 2nd cousin Jonathan. Me...I spent most of the day laying in the guest room with a headache. Thankfully I knew their were lots of people there to help out!


Grandma and Grandpa's grandchild population went from zero to 5 in 3 1/2 years! I don't think they mind!

 Just like that, our trip to Chicago was done, but what would a trip to Chicago be without mention of food? We had deep dish Chicago style pizza the first night we were there (yum) and Mike and I went to a sandwich place one day for lunch while the kids were napping. After we ordered our food, we realized that they didn't take credit, so Mike had to head back to his parents' for the cash that I had left in my purse that I had unfortunatley decided not to bring along. I stayed at the shop as collateral. It wasn't too long after Mike left that the men started harassing me (all in good fun). They were convinced that he wasn't coming back, so they wondered if they could pawn my wedding ring to pay for our meal. The best was when one guy suggested that maybe my husband had gone out and found a young girl - to which I replied, "Are you calling me old?" Maybe I do need to accept that I don't look 20 any more. When I finally got to eat my sandwich, I was not disappointed. I am rarely disappointed with food in Chicago. The only thing I was disappointed with this time was that I didn't get a Chicago style hotdog.

We decided that we'd break up the trip home with a stop in Eau Claire for a little hotel fun. Swimming was the fun we knew we'd have - everyone sleeping in the same room was something we weren't sure would be fun. Much to our surprise, all 3 kids were asleep by 8:30. Mike made a Culver's run and brought back treats to eat while we sat in the dark. Then after 4 days of waking up at 5:something a.m., Tate slept until...drum roll please...8:30! And that was only because his sisters have a hard time being quiet.

For the most part, I would say the long car ride went well. I do have to give props to parents who take cross-country trips with their small children. My neck was sore after hours of being turned around picking things up off the floor and handing out snacks and surprises. It was a lot of work, but fairly pleasant.

We got home on the afternoon of Friday July 6th. You might think we could breath a sigh of relief. I mean, who doesn't like the feeling of home after being gone for an extended period of time? That's a story for Time to Slow Down - Part 3.

Time to Slow down - Part 1

This has been a crazy few weeks, and I have been looking forward to getting a chance to sit down and write about it before I forget the things I want to say. We've made a lot of memories these past few weeks and I am going to take this chance to record some of them, and this could get long, so I'm going to make this 3 separate posts.

On June 25th, we headed down to Apple Valley to stay with my parents. Mike was headed for Washington DC for our denomination's annual convention, so my sister and I planned a garage sale for the days he was gone. I'm not sure what we were thinking, trying to do a garage sale with 8 kids and a dog in 95+ degree weather, but we had fun, we survived, and we made a little money.

Usually a trip to Apple Valley takes about 1 hr and a half. I don't remember how long it took us to get there, but I do know that 3 stops later, we finally made it. 3 stops is WAY too many to make in 90 miles. First Tate dropped his blankie on the floor (and if you know Tate, you know that this is unacceptable), so we had to stop to pick it up. Then Norah dropped her "gankeeee" on the floor and since she is becoming increasingly more and more attached to it, it was necessary to stop and pick it up. A short time later, I hear Norah saying, "Uh-oh, Uh-oh." I look back and she has thrown up. So, we must pull the car over again to get the poor girl cleaned up. Meanwhile, Anja needed to be fed, so we might as well do that too, instead of stopping again before we arrive at grandma and grandpa's house.

Tate is our early riser, especially when we're not staying at home. One morning I heard him get up, so I went over to the room he was sleeping in and saw him peeking out the window saying, "It's getting there!!! It's almost daytime!" I really dislike his early wake-up calls (that morning was somewhere around 5:30), but I do appreciate his excitement for life.

Mike was gone from Wednesday to Saturday in DC and the day henflew back had been a rough one for me and the kids, so when I left to pick Mike up at the airport my dad told me he didn't want me calling to tell them they'd re-routed the plane to Duluth. Let me tell you, it was tempting! We were all ready for a little Daddy time. I am very thankful for my husband!

While we were in Apple Valley, we had lots of time to play with cousins and I spent some good time with my sister. We got together with some friends while we were there too, which is always fun. The kids also enjoyed staying at Grandma and Grandpa's house where Grandma makes PB sandwiches before bed if they didn't eat a good supper, which by the way, is something that she NEVER would have done for us when were that age. But, she's grandma and she can, right?

The next leg of our journey was to visit Mike's family in Chicago, which I will write about (with pictures) in "Time to Slow Down - Part 2."

Raising PK's

Pastor's Kids (PK’s) have a bad reputation. That really bugs me. This has been on my mind lately, because twice this past week, someone has said something about the fact that my kid is a PK. It goes something like, [insert derogatory tone] "That's a PK for ya," or, "Typical PK." I don't think I ever realized how frustrating this stereotype was until I had a few PK's of my own.

History has shown that there are PK's who have strayed from the faith of their parents. I will not deny that. There are also PK's who still love and follow God. I've read a few blogs written by PK's, both who loved it and hated it. It seems like there are a few common threads that these folks say that PK's have to deal with that other "normal" children do not.

Here they are in no particular order:
1. They live in a fishbowl.
2. People have crazy high expectations of them.
3. Their dad is gone a lot (I think this is a trend that the church has realized and is changing. At least, the people in our church give us time to be a family, and we are very grateful)
4. They have an inside look at the negative things that happen at church.
5. They see it when their dad is discouraged because someone at church treated him poorly.

For the most part, we as adults have the ability to handle these adversities, but children do not. They wonder why the people they love at church are being mean. They wonder why the church "stole" their dad away from them and begin to resent God and the church because of it. They can't chalk up people's nasty behavior to sin and love them anyway. The combination of these things has caused PK's to leave the church hurt and turn from Christ. (On a side note, I wonder if PK's turn from God more often than other kids, or if we just notice it more because they are in the spotlight?)

But why is this now the expectation? Why would we ever EXPECT our children to rebel just because their dad is a Pastor?!? Maybe these comments have been made in jest, but it subtly communicates the expectation that the Pastor's kids will misbehave. Believe me, they will (do), but not because they are PK's. They misbehave because they are just normal children, trying to figure out life just like other kids their age.

On the flip side, should we EXPECT perfection just because their dad is a Pastor? I don't think so. No one is perfect - including the PK's parents! We are just normal Christian parents trying to raise our children in the love of Christ and praying like crazy that they will grow up to serve and follow Christ.

I'm a newbie at this thing called parenting. And I'm even more of a newbie at raising PK's. So far, this is my only beef. I wish that stereotype of my kids didn't exist, because I don't want them to be put in a box just because of what their dad does. Our hope is that we can guard our kids from some of the things that are difficult for them to process, but when we can't, I hope that we can teach them forgiveness and grace.

Misplaced Identity

I just finished a book called, "Mistaken Identity" about two college students who were in a car accident. Whitney Cerak was pronounced dead at the scene and Laura Van Ryn was taken to a hospital in critical condition. It's a true story that made national news in 2006. What was remarkable about this story was that 5 weeks after the accident, they realized that they had mistaken the identities of these girls. For 5 weeks, they were calling the girl in the hospital Laura. When they discovered the mistake, Whitney's family recieved a very confusing phone call telling them that the daughter they thought was dead was actually alive.

I sometimes feel like I've misplaced my identity. My name is not Melissa anymore - it's mommy. As a mom, it seems like my world is so immersed in my children and my home that I've forgotten who I am. I realized several weeks ago that if someone were to ask me what I do for fun, I wouldn't know how to answer. What are my hobbies? What do I enjoy? With the encouragement of my husband I've been allowing myself time to re-discover some of the things I enjoy doing.

I acknowlege the fact that a large part of my identity is my kids, and I do really appreciate my role as mommy right now, but there is more to me than that. Deep down in there, Melissa is still there! 

Someday soon, I'll find my identity again, even while my kids are still young.

(A few days later)
While I listened to this morning's sermon, I reflected on this blog entry. My Pastor (who happens to be my husband!) was talking about adversity inside and outside of God's will. When we are outside of God's will, we may experience agony in our souls that tells us that something is just not right. When we are inside of God's will, we may still experience difficulties, but those times are different because when we know we are inside of God's will, we know that He will give us what we need to make it through the difficulties. Do we run from the troubles, or do we face them head on? It is in our suffering that we are drawn closer to God IF we respond correctly and run to Him. That is why we need to welcome hardships - they will draw us closer to the One we serve.

In light of this, I thought of my inner struggle with feeling like I have lost my identity to the role of "mommy." I know that my identity is first and foremost the fact that I am a child of God, and that has not changed. The role of mom has been added to my identity, and that is a great thing. That role is very demanding and time consuming and all too often I try to do it on my own without drawing closer to God in the midst of the difficulties. Trust me, when I do it without His guidance throughout the day, things do not go well. I don't think I am running from God, but I don't run to Him as often as I need.

So, yes I will rediscover some things that I enjoy doing, but I also need to accept the fact that this time in our family's life is demanding, and often exhausting, but oh so valuable as we shape our children and raise them in the love of Christ. And if I draw closer to God during this time, my relationship with Him will be stronger on the other side.

Maintanence Matters

Have you ever purchased the extra maintanence package with a new appliance or electronic toy?
Do you get regular oil changes in your car?
How often do you get a hair cut to keep your hair the style you like?
Do you clean your house on a regular basis to maintain some sense of order?
Does the dentist clean your teeth every once in a while and check for cavities?
How often to you go to the doctor to see what's wrong?

What do you do to maintain your marriage relationship? So often, we do things to maintain important things in our lives, but we neglect the one person who matters most; our spouse. It is a sad thing when a marriage is unhealthy, but I can assure you that it didn't happen overnight. Other things become more important to us, or we think that we're doing just fine, or we get so busy we don't have time to maintain our relationship, or, or, or..... The list could go on.

Mike and I just attended "Laugh Your way to a Better Marriage." A couple at church had seen these videos (laughyourway.com) and wanted to show them for 4 consecutive Friday nights at church. So, about 20 couples got together, watched the videos and discussed things afterward. We realized some things about each other that we never had and had some great conversations in the days that followed. It was a great "tune-up" for our marriage.

One thing we recently realized was that we need more frequent, intentional times together. I don't just mean being in the same house. (I think married couples become more like roommates sometimes) We decided that 2 times a week, we'll have date nights. This doesn't mean we go out somewhere every time, but rather, do something together after the kids go to bed.

Marriage is such a wonderful gift from God! I love being married to Mike who is a man of God. I could start listing all of the things I love about my husband, but let's make another list. In the comments section, write something that you and your spouse have done together that has been fun. That way we can give each other more ideas for things we can do to maintain our marriages and make them thrive.

And We're Off!

...to Slide, Iowa that is! Where is Slide, Iowa, you ask? That, my friend, is a very good question. For months now Tate has been talking about and asking to go to Slide, Iowa. For a while I got away with telling him it was too cold outside, and since we needed to walk there, his sisters couldn't go out in the cold (to which he always replied, "we'll just put on our mittens!).  A few weeks ago we went for a walk in the evening and Mike and I let him lead the way. He got to point which direction to turn at every intersection. Eventually we ended up back at home, which he said was Slide, Iowa. He seemed satisfied with that until this week when he wanted to go there again (it's apparently a pretty fun place).

So this morning he started packing his bags for Slide, Iowa. He wanted to pack his entire pajama drawer and his sleeping bag, because we were going to stay at the hotel there. When I convinced him he didn't need all of that, he packed 2 blankies in his kid-sized green backpack and off we went.

The goggles were also a requirement for the journey.

At first the route to Slide, Iowa was very similar to the one we took a few weeks back. He really likes hills, so any hill we saw, that's the way we went. Mind you, they are very gradual inclines, but when you are pushing 70 extra pounds (kids + stroller) and carrying 13 more in the baby bjorn it feels like you are climbing a mountain. As the walk got longer and longer, Mommy got tired-er and tired-er. I started hinting that maybe we should head down streets we hadn't been down yet....streets that headed toward home!

We ended up in a good friend's back yard to play for a while and then made it home again with two tired, hungry and dirty kids. When Daddy asked if we made it to Slide, Iowa, Tate responded, "No, they sold it!"

Wondering when our next adventure to Slide, Iowa will be!

I love the vivid imagination of my son and hope that I can foster his adventurous and curious spirit as he grows.